


LiS: Painful Solitude: The story of Victoria's doubts and Kate's hope

by King_dedede



Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Aftermath, Bible, Bullying, Dirty Talk, F/F, Flashbacks, Internalized Homophobia, Nightmares, Psychological Drama, Slow Dancing, Social Media, Stalking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-12-04
Packaged: 2018-06-08 06:23:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 28,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6842506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/King_dedede/pseuds/King_dedede
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What happened after the storm with Victoria? After all these things which happened in Arcadia Bay, which had shaked the world of them, while Max and Chloe drove into Sundown... It starts two weeks after the storm and Victoria is sunken in a spiral of her own painful thoughts, especially concerning Kate, whereas she is giving herself the guilt for the pain the catholic girl had suffered. These are the moments, where her hatred for herself is eating her inside out, where every decision she made happens in her head and awakes more and more fear in herself... How long can she keep her facade up, whereas she is staying the frozen ice queen, she always has been known for? And what about Kate? Can they both see each other in the eyes in the end? And does Victoria survive her inner fight?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Solitude

It felt so far away, having this feeling of the storm crawling on your back while being scared of dying. It felt so awkward, seeing this gigantic tornado and still having survived it, sunken in a pile of junk, which were our houses just 2 weeks before... it still feels like being in the middle of the destroyed buildings. Thinking about it makes me feel so weird. First this thing with Kate, then Mark... Mr. Jefferson who tried to... this is unbelievable what happened in this week, and all was centering on Max... a girl, which is already gone anywhere else... this felt like everything else... I don't know why, but in the end I guess it just happened because of her.  
Many of the damages already had been repaired, but 17 people died in the storm, even more got hurt... hm, doesn't sound so much... three Blackwell students had been hit by this chaotic tornado... two of them were Courtney and Taylor... I feel like shit, even if I'm visiting Taylor always... Courtney didn't have so much luck, she lies in the intensive...  
To be fair, i would never say that out loud, but I am really scared now, what future would hold to me. It feels like, I am... yes, I am alone with everything happening. Even Nathan disappeared... It feels like the storm has taken anything of me.  
"Hey, Victoria..." Silence... why did Miss Grant want to talk to me? She knows, how angry I am. "I know, it is a hard week for you and your friends, but..." "Ms Grant... thank you, but that doesn't make the situation for Taylor or Courtney any better." "Yes, but..." "Can you please, just... leave me alone?" I know, it was harsh, but I have no air for her lessons or something else she wants to tell me... "Okay, Victoria... but if you need any help..." She lays down a business card... my only answer was a simple nod, until she walked away. She can be such a nuisance. Screw it, I have something better to do than lamenting about the absence of Taylor and Courtney... Standing up, i am laying my hands on my bag, putting the card in there and starting to make my way out of that depressing cafeteria.  
On my way to the dorm, I was thinking about the things I've said to Ms Grant. Sure, she didn't mean to be so annoying, but, damn, that was the worst timing ever... I was thinking about the timing... three days after this thing about Kate the storm appears... I still can see her standing up there on the dorm... maybe it was some sort of divine punishment for hurting her... Poor Kate... seeing her face in that corner feels so hard... If I knew before that Mark has drugged her, I wouldn't have been so rude... shit, this week was horrific... 

"Hey Kate, nice to see you. Did you enjoy your last party." "What do you mean?" Showing her the mobile with the last scenes of her escapades... up to this point she was already kissing more than three boys. "I am really envious of you, oh you cute nun...“ I remember, that I wore a grin on my face, seeing her rushing back into her dorm. After that I went into my room, she moved to the bathroom and confident as I've been, I've followed her after a short time... screw you Caulfield...  
Taylor was just smiling, nodded and we both were walking down the corridor to move to the showers... talking to Kate about her tongue record. She can be such a drama queen... such a revenging drama queen. I'll never gonna pay for that... That's why I've written the address of her tongue record onto the mirror. Everyone should see, that our cute little jesus fucker is a whore... 

And exactly at this night, she... and it totally felt like my fault.  
It was never my fault! NEVER! This couldn't have been true I thought. It was so... urgh... and now seeing her at this corner makes me feel like... shit...  
there... the candles standing next to this... a candle from everyone... except... "Oh Kate..." Whispering out her name again feels like a stab into my breast, it makes me crazy, makes me crawl on my back for climbing the gigantic mountain made out of my sins. It wasn't anyone other's fault, just mine... just me, whereas I've shared this freaking video from an source I didn't knew... in the end it was Jefferson's mobile phone. May he rot in prison for trying to drug me.  
I just hate him with every inch of my body, but... thinking about that made me feel some sort of weird. I know, I have done horrible things to her, but... it is so different from now on. Maybe I am really a horrible person, but to be fair, maybe it is better like this... I don't know what I would have done to Kate, when I wouldn't have found out that she is so... breakable...  
like having a glass statue of an angel...  
and only the fingertip would be enough to destroy it... And I was hammering and hammering and hammering all along onto this figure, until it became dust...  
Reaching for my room, I see everywhere her face, her sad face, crying... shouting... feeling her agony and pain in my heart... I know why she would have liked to jump, and I didn't learn the truth from her until this one moment. Thinking about this, and if I would have been her... it makes me puke... it makes me hate all of myself, makes me watching in the mirror and telling this person, that she is the worst bitch that ever existed... and even now I am not interested neither in Courtney nor Taylor... they both will survive, sure... but... shit... it feels like I am seeing hell in this cursed mirror in my room...  
It sickens me, looking into my face... seeing my angry self, as I've lead a girl to suicide... It makes me crazy, makes me totally hateful, watching myself evolving into disgust... my heart feels heavier than I thought...  
Looking at the card of Grant, I realized it is some sort of helpline for psychopathic people... "She really must think I am crazy... ugh...“ turning around the card, I see its phone number... To be fair, I have no idea what I should do with this thing, Ms Grant must be a bitch if she gives me this thing... I should lie down on my bed, at least for a moment... 

"Kate can be so annoying, boohoo, I am a good catholic girl which never does anything. Buh!“ "Relax, Victoria, sure, she is just a weeaboo, so why are you thinking so much of her?“ Seeing Courtney sitting on the chair while I was lying in my bed and watching up there... she really is my little slave, at least some sort of. “She is way too perfect... that's all. She is just this everyday good girl which is just too godly for this school... you know what, let's write something on her board...” “Yeah, that's a great Idea... like: My orgasm is the bible...” 

I can't sleep... thinking about this makes me just more aggressive against myself. This isn't good... Maybe I should really talk to Kate... no... she doesn't want me to talk to her... she hates me, and I've earned it. Maybe this storm was good at all, maybe it helped me realizing that I was the bitch and not her... “Fuck!” Clapping my hands on my face, shutting my eyes because of the fact that I can't sleep and the raging in my stomach like the ugly alien from the movie... these feelings suck...  
Watching to my phone, I slowly get the feeling that I should somehow restart all of this... walking to the past and trying to change the world... maybe I could have stopped all of this when I would have told myself not to go like this. Damn, you sound like a sore loser, Victoria!  
Laying my hands under my head, I am watching at the ceiling of my room... maybe I should put some sort of poster there. Hm, it feels so confusing, being here without so many people I knew before... Nathan's gone nowhere, Courtney and Taylor are in the hospital, Max, with whom I may could have established a friendship just disappeared with her punky girlfriend...  
And Kate... well... yes... Kate... I don't like to talk about her, it still baffles me.  
I am sighing in myself, slowly moving my head up, so I could sit again and trying to leave my bed... my feet took me to the Window, which I opened... Maybe I should take a walk... or watch TV... No, better get walking, I need some sort of freedom for myself... and maybe one or two photos... Just wearing something random from my closet, I haven't even watched at the clothes which I've taken out of it... But so, my feet were taking me out of the dorm, just around Arcadia Bay... the city with the most building sites in whole America... at least for the moment.  
But upon leaving...  
“Hey, Vic...” Uh, not again... Normally I like these conversations with Logan, but now he is one of the last persons I wanted to see... Rolling eyes and annoyed lips didn't seem to work. “Have ya seen Zac? He wanted to train a round.” “I haven't seen him for a while...” better not, because this guy is just an dumbass, first trying to sext me and now not even mentioning anything... Fuck him...  
“You look good...” Seriously? I look like an crazy style failure... This guy is just... “Uh... you know what... forget it... I got to go now...” I felt totally weird talking to Logan. Before I never realized that he is so awfully moronic... but now... Things have changed...  
Everything has changed...  
and as I was leaving the gate out to visit the construction sites, I... yes, I started to walk to the hospital, apparently automatically, since my walk even included some nice photos despite the lack of sunlight because of the clouds. This feeling wanders through my body, that there is more than the eye can see... more than I can photograph. Maybe the course with Jefferson was still something worth, or maybe it was something else... This time of suffering made my world darker, but the other side sunnier... Sure, I am still thinking about my sins, feeling them like thousands of bugs wandering over my feet... but now... maybe I really have needed my freedom...  
Freedom...  
Such a strong word, but I never thought of it until now. I always had it... 


	2. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You know, it is possible, that after an cruel happening that the people can come together, even if the past has been the greatest horror, you may realize that there is more between you than you would have believed. Thinking about that, it starts with the visit of Taylor Christensen who is in hospital because her leg got broken at the storm, and there it will be, that both of the women will realize, that there is more between each other than there has ever been... This is a chapter of surpassing borders, of forgiving what happened before and trying to make it right after the rebirth of the broken souls.

Knock knock!  
“Come in!” hearing the voice of Taylor made me think she could feel better for the moment. I am entering her room, moving in front of her bed. Sure, seeing her with the plastered foot isn't the best thing which happened to her, but if I think about Courtney or Daniel she definitely had her luck with that. “Wow... I didn't expect you to come here...” Seeing her face getting sadder appears quite strange to me, since I've always seen her smile when she was next to me...  
Well, other times, now is everything some sort of different, at least.  
“You know, actually I always thought that I shouldn't come here since everything which has happened, but to be honest, it wouldn't be fair, if I wouldn't visit you, since you are hurt too and I hoped that I can help you to feel better.” “That's... cool from you... very cool.”  
I was smiling, as she replied with a cute little giggling, while she was holding her hand in front of her lips. “You know, Blackwell has already restarted to open school this Monday... That's why I wanted to bring you these.” “Oh... thanks... sure, nothing better than homework... you surely are a evil human being.” Wow, that was some sort of rude... but I guess she thought that more of a joke... “Uh... I never thought that to be fair.” Again this giggling from Taylor. She appears to take her concussion quite easily. “That was a joke... don't look so angry...” Sure that... “Well, last time you joked there...” “Oh... true. Be sure, that this will never happen again...”  
Well... normally I wouldn't have believed her, but all of these things happened made me less mistrusting... I start to stand up, making my way to the window. “Fresh air?” Taylor nods, as I was opening it and watching out of there. “Wow, nice view...” “Sure... just tell me how beautiful it is, I always can see it out there.” Laughing I am starting to say a little bit of amusing things. “You know, I am enjoying this view like it was made from god himself. I can see this beautiful waterfall, as he is falling from the cliff, surrounded by thousands and thousands of butterflies and fairies... ow, and out of the forest comes a doe family... aw, the little one just looks so cute... and it looks so amazing with that cherry trees... this is just a paradise...”  
All of this was just a birth of my fantasy, but I guess it sounds better than saying that there are standing a bunch of cars on the parking lot. At least that would depress me... And apparently even Taylor seemed happier again.  
“You are cute. We all know, that out there is just grey over grey...” “I'd like to see the color in the world, Taylor. It is only as amazing as you think.” She stares at me, while I was talking. And just a few Moments later we were sunk in this total silence, which we have given to each other. Maybe I have exaggerated... “Is something wrong?” “No... I just never realized that you could be so...” “weird?” “I would say artistic. You really have talent.” “I don't think so, Taylor... You know, Warren once told me, that I would have talent in so many things...” “You have it, there I am very sure now...” Smiling upon her words I was putting my hand on the backhead... blushing...  
Seriously, I was blushing because of the compliments of Taylor...  
And she didn't stop giggling... in fact she started to laugh so hard, that even the neighbors would have heard her. At least it wasn't so hateful, so I can be quite happy about it... I guess... After her laughing flash, she breathed out and watched me wondering about her reaction... “Oh man, you are really awesome...” “I still don't think so...” Only a few moments later someone else knocked the door... “Miss Christensen, we have to do some examinations...” So it was the nurse, she needed some values for the doctor. “It's okay. I have to go now anyways...” “Okay... it was great to see you again...” “Yes... maybe... see you later, Taylor...” After waving I've left the hospital, thinking about all of the things which happened before.  
Maybe in the end we really could have been friends. 

Upon leaving the hospital, I received a message... from Max? 'Everything alright in Arcadia Bay?' Quite an awkward message given the circumstances that the storm has been before two weeks, but I was lucky... maybe I should call her... Or maybe not, since I don't want to disturb her in their honeymoon... okay, why not... here I am calling back...  
“Hello, this is Max...” “Hey Max, it's me...” “I am not reachable for the moment, you can...”  
And I hung up. Sighing about this try I made myself on the way to the homeless tents for the people, who have lost their homes whilst the storm. I had an appointment in there, since dad wanted to help there, and I felt, that I could join him in there... Wandering to the bus station I was waiting for it, until it arrived... It just needed a few minutes, before it stopped and the door opened. I showed my bus card and took a seat in the nearly empty bus... It felt some sort of creepy, since we were just three persons in there, whom one of them was the homeless woman I've seen near the two whales diner and the second one appears to be a myserious guy... He wore a trenchcoat and sunglasses before the evening arrived... I had no idea who this guy was... but to be fair I just enjoyed the view of the beach in sundown... and as the bus drove, I felt the pressure of it... it made me nearly fall asleep...  
But on halfway to the tents, I've seen someone well-known to me... Someone, I've never wanted to see again... I know, this shouldn't have been my way, but, I've never felt happy, when I've seen her, she had cost me so many hope and gave me even more pain... it feels like my blood is freezing even if I just see her this short amount of time, where she walks down the pavement while I was sitting in the bus... It thrills me always, seeing her... watching her sharp lips, as they cut with the comments through my heart, just like her look, which freezes me again and again... I know, maybe I am an evil human being by thinking about this, but she would have been the one who had earned it... to get lost in the storm...  
Shutting my eyes, I tried to get these feelings out of my head... but it was way easier said than done... I know, God wants me to forgive, but how can I forgive her... Sure, I thought she is just insecure, but I don't know if she just plays it so hard to make me think and... suffer... or that she really is insecure... It feels even agonizing thinking about her... maybe it distracts me when I can watch at my mobile... a message from Taylor? Opening it, I was wondering a little bit where she did get my number from. 'Hey, Kate, thank you again, that you have visited me. To be honest I was quite happy that at least someone from school bothers that.'  
To be fair: I was quite surprised about the text she was writing... I feel a little bit sad for her, but maybe I should be justifying because of this: She had mobbed me very much, but... I shut my eyes, thinking...

Matthew 6:14-15 'For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.'

So my heavenly father will only forgive me, when I can forgive... That was the reason why I was writing back to Taylor...”It is okay, We have to hold together now. :)“ Seeing her smiley as an answer made my heart a little bit lighter, but therefore I was thinking about Victoria. What if she finds out, that me and Taylor are now so good with each other? And if she would have to choose between me or her, would she choose me? I guess not...  
Still... I have hope, that we both can be friends... despite Victoria...


	3. Protection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The life of Victoria is getting worse and worse upon thinking about Kate. She tried to visit Taylor, which isn't work out that well and she starts even more blaming Kate for everything what happened. Her life feels even more miserable because of the flashbacks she receives and now she appears to have no other choice... She needed to do something to make it right again, but it was easier said than done... What does Victoria do at the whiteboard of Kate's dorm? And what about this card Ms Grant gave her earlier this day? Can she surpass these things or will her agony become infinite?

Seeing Kate in this bus, while I was thinking about her, placed quite a bitter taste onto my tongue. It feels like she knows what I am thinking about and she tries to hunt me down like a fallen angel who likes to capture and kill the demon which I am. It would make totally sense for her, if she really hates me so much at least.  
Stop thinking about her, you wanted to visit Taylor now... it was already 6 pm and I tried to be as fast as possible. Hopefully the hospital is still open... faster, Victoria, you have to reach it asap! Damn... I am already running to the doors... trying to reach them... „Shit!“ The nurse in there was already closing the door to the hospital, as I've arrived. „Miss, let me in!“ Sure, I was angry... but I had enough reason to... „Sorry, we are closed...“ She really looked bitchy, more like she bought her costume from an sex shop. “Miss, my best friend is in the hospital. I wanted to visit her...” “Sure, come tomorrow earlier. Good bye!” “Fuck you!” The nurse was walking back, as I was leaning on the wall next to the entrance.  
Taking my mobile I was writing to Taylor... 'Came too late, and the bitch didn't let me in.' She just made me freaking... urgh... I don't know how long I was angry about this shit happening to me, but as I was watching at the phone again, I realized, that I got 2 new messages... both from Taylor... 'It's alright, Victoria.' 'I didn't expect you to come anyways.' It felt a little bit harsh, but this girl knows me... at least it appears like this... I guess I should forget this and try it again tomorrow...  
On my way home I was still thinking about the things happened... 

“Katey, Katey, Katey... don't you know, that the grandma style is totally out?” Sitting in class, while we were waiting for cutie pie Mark to start the lesson, I just couldn't resist. She looked so awkward with this bun... She stayed silent, while Courtney was giggling behind me. “You know, maybe you should try something out of the 70s, this would be at least a little improvement.” Sitting on the table next to her, I was smiling about Courtney's comment, whereas Taylor crosses her hands and just smiles whereas the cute little cinnamon bun just looked at her table... so sad, so pathetic... Does she always need to be so needy for help? This is so embarrassing... the only thing missing is, that she would start to cry, this would make sure that she is just a weak child. “Do you know the difference between you and me, Katie-pie?” I was smiling, leaning to the front to look into Kate's face. “Some know their places...” I started smiling. “But then, there is someone like you...” 

I hear a loud sound... a horn... I see lights... what happens to me? A car is driving to me... I was jumping back scared, before I realized, that I already have been at the crossroads near school... “Shit, what the...” I was breathing out and I didn't realize that the spotlight was red... “Fuck, this car nearly got me!” Wow... maybe I really have a problem. This dreams won't stop. It feels totally awkward, always seeing some fragments of Kate... maybe she really has cursed me or something like this, but I can't stop thinking about it.  
I've had enough of it, I can't keep it any longer... I always feel like I was the bad one, but that is wrong... Why was Kate such a... no, she wasn't weak... she was much stronger than I thought... Maybe Ms Grant was right and I am crazy... Crazy about Kate, that sounds like the worst movie in the world... the spotlight went green and I started to move forward... thinking about the things I've done... Kate, why it must be Kate? Why can't I think about Zachary, or Nathan... or for god's sake this blue-haired girl in the worst case? Shit... why it has to be Kate... Even thinking about something else makes me feel miserable. This is so disgusting...  
Even upon entering the garden in front of the dorm I thought it can't be worse, but upon seeing this nerd with her new girlfriend I was already thinking about the storm again... I can remember, this absolute nerd was totally in love with Max... Warren, I guess... now he is cuddling with another nerd from my photography class... I can't remember her name, it was something with Brook or Broke I guess... however, these two weren't the only one there, since – how it can be different – there is Logan again playing with himself and the football... wow, thinking about that, he appears quite envious about the nerds, at least it looks like this... seriously? The whole time he was ignoring them and now he can't stop looking at them. At least he ignored me. Never thought I would be happy if someone would ignore me at all.  
There I am, in the dorm... it feels quite empty, when I think about the fact that it was more living a few weeks before. Now it appears there are nearly no people in there, despite the fact that it stood again... and upon entering it I've seen it... 

I was writing something which represents Kate in her best form... “Hehe, she will be happy that you are thinking about her love to god, Victoria.” “You know, Taylor, if no one remembers school how important religious persons are, then religion wouldn't be necessary at all.” Taylor is leaning next to the board while I was writing it. “So, finished, how does it look?” “'Will Bang for Jesus.' That's great Victoria. I guess she would appreciate your special art.” “She better should. I tried quite hard to have the best forms for her. She had only earned the best of me.” Taylor smiles and looks at me, while I was moving with her out of the dorm... 

She didn't clean it off at all... and now I've realized how hard this actually was... Oh my... Now I think I am doing one of the most awkward things I've ever done... Slowly I am going to the slate, watching to it and taking the sponge to wipe it down... Now I was thinking about something else... what should I do now... Should I still write something like: 'Leave me alone you bitch...' I know, it sounds psychopathic, but she apparently tries to get into my head. I won't let her do that... I can't let her do that... I totally sound like a psycho... okay... I've deleted the board and I started to write something onto it... Maybe I am really crazy, but this is the only thing I can do... “So... nearly done...”  
And just at this moment... two women have seen what I was doing now. “Hey, Victoria!” I turned around, seeing Dana and Juliet at the door. “What are you doing?!” “Nothing... nothing at all.” Dana comes nearer, looks at me with these annoyed eyes I know from her... How long is she angry on me for this sexting with Zachary? “You can't stop to beat Kate down mentally, don't you?” She was really one of the last persons I wanted to see. “What should that interest you? Shouldn't you better watch out that you aren't sexting with Juliets boyfriend?” “Oh, shut up already, Victoria. We all know that it was you who tried to separate me from him.”  
I turned my eyes, looked at Juliet who just smiles at me. “You can't be without some sort of attention, don't you?” I was laying my hand on the forehead, before I looked again to the blonde one... “Just like you can't be without a dumbass like Zac... well, it suits you.” “Oh, you bitch! It was enough for you...” “Boohoo, don't be so envious... he is only yours now” While Juliet was trying to insult me, Dana was reading the whiteboard... “You know, I've enjoyed my time with you, but I got to go now... see you later.” Juliet acted quite angry, as I've left and entered my room. I totally forgot about the message, but these bitches wouldn't make something out of it... hopefully.  
The first thing I was doing was putting the TV on... Just for a bit of MTV... Just need some background music for a while...  
Laying in bed, I was looking at the card... the one from Ms Grant... a helpline for people with problems in their life... Jesus, was that so obvious? It feels a little bit like she is spying me, but on the other hand, maybe she really wanted to help me... Dropping down the volume of the TV I was using the telephone to put in that number... and after that I've started to call...


	4. Salvation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes there is just no other way than changing yourself so much like it is necessary, but it isn't easy to forget, or to forgive after the suffering Kate had to survive. So it is even harder for her to heal these wounds which she had received from Victoria. Sure, there were more people connected with that, but in this moment it is all about beginning a new step for these two women. Sure, it is painful, but it isn't impossible and maybe it will happen that Kate finally finds a friend in Taylor.

Maybe it's just because I am so kind to everyone, but I like building houses. Sure, I don't look actually quite good in this construction work clothes or with this yellow helmet on my head, but it fills me with happiness when I know that I can somehow help to make new houses for the victims of the storm.  
And the best part: I am not alone with this thinking. Evan and Tim Barnes, a defensive tackle from Blackwell, wanted to help too, whereas the constructors from another towns are actually putting the walls up for the new houses... Okay, I am a little bit egotistical, since I can put something in my portfolio by helping these people at building, but that's just secondary...  
However, we are nearly finished with the third house where I could help a little bit and Tim was putting in the doorway with the screwdriver... “Nice work... here, some lemonade.” “Thanks, Kate...” Seeing this big guy – yes he is around one foot taller than me – sweat scares me a little bit, but he is more like a bear... He wouldn't hurt anyone as long as he isn't on the football field. “Have ya seen Evan?” “He already went home, I guess. I haven't seen him after putting in the front door.” Well, he has an Irish accent, but it is no problem to understand him at all...  
“Well, I'll leave now too... Abby's playing at the theater today and I've promised that I'll be there...” It made me smile a little bit, that he always kept an eye onto his girlfriend. It made him even more human. And it is some sort of the typical romantic story: They have known each other as children, came together as adults and now they are already together for four years... without any forms of jealousy apparently. It makes me a little bit envious to be fair...  
“Shall I take ye to the academy?” “Sure, that would be nice of you... but...” looking down at my working clothes it wouldn't be the best idea... “That's alright, Kate. I'll put them in the trunk and ye can sit on the front..” That was a conversation which has needed some time, but in the end he convinced me to go into his car... and halfway he was starting to talk to me while I was looking out of the window... “Ye look quite strange, Kate... everything alright?”  
Wow, I totally sound like a racist when someone would read that out loud... sorry for the fourth wall break, but I feel weird showing Tim as an Irishman... he isn't even talking like this... well, except the 'Ye' instead of 'You'...  
“Huh? Oh, yes... I was thinking about something...” “Wanna tell Tim?” “Well... it was about Taylor.” “Ah... Victoria's Harem... everyone knows about that...” Seriously, Victoria's Harem? I was quite surprised upon listening to his words. “Victoria's Harem...” In this moment I've made a cinema in my brain which amuses me... “What about her?” “I was visiting her today, and she seemed totally happy... unlike when I've seen her with Victoria... She even told me, that Victoria never visited her, and now we are chatting together like we are best friends...” Tim started to smile, it seemed to amuse him more than it would bother me...  
“That sounds like ye left an impact on her.” Maybe... Maybe I've really changed Taylor into a better person. Looking at my phone I was reading her next message by her... “I don't know... Maybe...?” Tim smiles a bit. “Well, I've always thought someone like ye can change the world.” “Someone like me?” “Yes... Ye can make the world a better place... everyone can, but especially you.” Laying my hand onto my head, leaning the elbow onto the side window I just started to shake the head. “What makes you so sure about that?” He parks the car near Blackwell... “I just know... you seem much more self-confident than before...” 

Ecclesiastes 3:1: For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:

I left the car, took the working clothes out of it and looked at school... “Thanks, Tim... greet Abby from me.” He waves back and drives his car away... Yes, Abby can be a lucky woman... and Tim made me giggle a bit. And so my feet were taking me to the dormitories... hm... Dana and Juliet are standing amidst the hallway and apparently discuss something... in front of my door?  
“Hm... hey Dana, Juliet, is everything okay?” Apparently they both didn't even hear me, since they are still talking to each other like I wouldn't exist... “Hey Girls, Kate is here and wants to go to her room!” I wonder how long it would need... forget it, I tried to enter the room by wiggling through them, whereas Juliet looks at me. “Hey Kate, what are...” “You both are in front of my room...” “Oh... sorry.” Juliet was standing in front of the whiteboard, but I didn't think about it, because I wanted to go back to my room. “Wow... they are talking so much...” I am a little bit annoyed by this, but I wanted to go into my room again, so I could rest a little bit... on the other hand, I've enjoyed the chat with Taylor... maybe I'll write something with her...  
Okay... but at first I need some charging cable and feed my little bunbun :3  
So... let's see what Taylor wrote...  
“Thanks Kate... you've made my hospital visit a little bit easier.” It was some sort of cute, that she wrote that to me. She really isn't that bad after all. That would mean that it was the influence of Victoria at all... Laying down on my bed and putting my hands on the mobile I was wondering what I should write... “So... When are you allowed to leave?” “In two days I'll lose my plaster, and usually I can go again...” “That's... friday... so your vacancies aren't that long at all.” “Well, Kate, I am a strong girl ;)” She made me giggle a bit, but I guess she feels the same way...  
Oh, I should mention: Until last week the hospital was kept shut because of the storm. No visitors were allowed because the hospital couldn't take this amount of patients and many of them shouldn't be moved at all... luckily the normal life returns slowly and everything will be better  
“Yes, you are... but...” I don't know why, but it still feels a little bit awkward writing with Taylor like nothing had happened... Should I really trust her or would she forget me when she would be back at school... Sure, she seems nice, but the first time it happened that Taylor was nice to me... well... at least it didn't end well.  
“Hm... I have the feeling you still don't trust me...” She was right... I really didn't trust her at all, she is the friend of Victoria, the girl, which nearly led me to suicide, whereas... I don't know what to do... “You know... I'd like to trust you... but this all reminds me of all things happened to me... You have talked to me about my tongue shots...” My breath went faster... I was so freaking nervous after saying that... “I've felt I should die immediately...” Taylor stayed silent... she didn't write anything for a while... Maybe it was the best to be honest now, so she wouldn't write back... until...  
“You really hate us, don't you?” Looking at my mobile, I didn't know what to write back... I started to write: 'Yes...' but then... It felt like something would have stopped me from sending it. “No... not you... I know, I shouldn't forgive you for everything I've done... but seeing you in this bed while you were waiting for your best friend... and she wasn't there...” I breathed out after sending the next message. 

Philippians 3:13-14: But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus

“Kate... I'm so sorry...” “We both had something we were suffering about... but the storm has blown it away and it had opened a new Arcadia Bay...” Taylor stayed silent, I knew, she was looking at the mobile not knowing what she should write... “Thank you... Kate...” “No Problem... I'll visit you again tomorrow... :)”  
Putting off my phone I was lying in bed until the next morning...


	5. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes a shower helps to make the situation different again, but in the worst cases it can be the worst thing ever happened to you. You may not know, what are you doing, you stop thinking and let your emotions follow. Sometimes you just don't know what to do and maybe you are doing something which you totally would regret... So it could be that you have done that what you wanted to do, but was it worth it? These are the questions which Victoria is asking herself in that quite awkward situation... but may it fulfill the duty and makes it Kate believe Victoria?

So... that's it. In three days I'll have an appointment with a psychotherapist... sure, it is just someone who wants to help me, but at the moment I feel totally mental... Until Saturday I should know what is all important to me and what is important to mention... and at the next morning – where there are just two more days – I would come to them to talk about my problem... talking about Kate. Wow, this girl really made me crazy.  
And still, the next day arrived and it felt like I was just totally wrong with everything I've done... My inner self shouts, it cries, it is full of hate and despair, and it feels like I am possessed by something I can't say. I would like to shout it all out, but nobody would hear me, nobody would be by my side... Nobody would help me... I totally feel like shit...  
Taken by these feelings I'm on my way to the photography course... the new professor arrived faster than anybody would have expected it... an ugly old baldhead who only teaches us to listen and not saying anything... even if Jefferson has done these things I would have preferred him... not this old bastard. Fuck this shit... I stood up, took some clothes for change and made my way to the shower... wow, I couldn't even appreciate the cashmere there... I just wanted to go to the washrooms and enjoy my shower... maybe I can wash away all of these bad thinkings about Kate...  
It becomes an obsession, doesn't it?  
Putting the clothes down out of the shower, just like the Towel, I was starting to clean my body... Phew... this shower feels heavenly, not too warm, not too cold, just perfect. I feel every drop of the wet liquid on my body, closing my eyes and enjoying these beautiful shots of water while they were hitting my face and my shoulders... Like thousands of waterfalls the water falls down my shoulders while I was looking up to the showerhead... it looked like a net catching me... hugging me and stealing all of this agony which made my heart shout yesterday... So amazing... feeling these streams on my shoulders, feeling them on my back... dripping on my feet, giving me a cold shock... always when these drops hit me as they are falling from my elbows, my hands... Crawling through my hair, as I hear the dripping of the water from my body down onto the shower floor...  
Feeling the liquid gliding around my breasts while I was taking the shower gel and starting to cream myself in... putting my hands down and touching my beautifully long feet... petting myself up to the belly and massaging the shower gel into my body so my skin stays absolutely amazing... “That feels so great...” I was whispering... closing my eyes again and breathing out I felt better now... much better, like a plant which got watered... or maybe like the first kiss which has taken all of your nervousness.  
Haah... it is like paradise... After I was shampooing my hair I felt like newborn... and as I wanted to leave the shower, I've just taken my towel to hide my... sexiness... but whereas I've dried myself with the towel someone came in... someone... I was opening the shower curtain and I've seen her...  
“Kate...?” She was just brushing her teeth before I was talking to her... only a few moments later she was looking at me. “Victoria...” Her words were bitter, they really sounded hateful... “What do you want?” “It's...” How should I say that? I was rubbing my hand at my neck, since I was totally... yes, I was baffled to see her like this. “If you don't want to talk, then let me finish brushing my teeth, please...” She sounded like a bitch...  
“You know, Kate... I actually wanted to tell you I'm sorry for everything...” “But? Do you want to annoy me again with my... tongue record?” “No... I've deleted it... however... I... feel awful about that, what I've done to you. I wanted to tell it to you, but I never had the courage to say it, because it was my fault that you wanted to kill yourself.” She was spitting out the foam of the toothpaste and used the water to cleanse the teeth...  
“Victoria, you never spoke a word to me except something embarrassing or painful... I've always been the religious freak to you and now I should act like this has never happened?” Why am I not surprised, that she was so angry... She had suffered way too much through my hands and I tried to make it good again... or at least plead for her salvation... “No... you have every right to be angry at me...” She sound so confident and me... I am so unsure about this whole situation... I guess that's how Kate feels every day... “I wanted to say sorry about all of this, Kate...” The knot on my towel was held very strong by my hand. I was sure, she would say no, but...  
I see her, looking away from me...  
She breaths louder... slowly... I see her making her fist out of her right hand, while I was looking at her other side... hammering it onto the sink... “You never knew what I was going through! You just lived with your two girls in your own hemisphere and now you try to befriend me? Why?! Is that a joke for you? Since I don't believe you have some sort of conscience you think this is just a game, don't you?!” Scared about her shouting I didn't know what I should say to her... it is... nobody shouted to me like this... Absolutely... nobody... I am frozen to the bones... and... Kate... she cries...  
She has no reason to cry...  
“Kate...” “You lived through all of your hatred, Victoria...” I was watching her... laying my hand onto her cheek and wiping away her tear... Holy... I was surprised by myself as I've done this... Kate just shuts her eyes... “I was the worst person in the world...” She just nodded... sighed and opened her eyes... 

Psalm 34:14 Turn from evil and do good; seek peace and pursue it.

“I still can't be sure about that, Victoria... but... for the moment I want to believe you...” This was an breathtaking moment in there... I was so... I don't know how to say it, but it felt so amazing that I've even hugged Kate... one of the worst things I've ever done but that I didn't think about... “Victoria... you are...” “Sorry... I...” Ending the hug I was putting my hand again on the towel... This was really awkward... “I... should put on some clothes...” Kate stayed silent... she appeared that she wanted to say something but then she just left... In the end it was just absolutely weird...  
Going back to the shower to put on the clothes... and after that revisiting my room... Wow, I have no idea what I should think about it. I was seriously totally whiny... a wimp... This was totally pathetic, but it was... considerably honest. “Oh, I hate myself...” I was telling that to me, as I was wandering to school...  
And on my way to school I felt a little bit creeped out... It was like everyone was watching me, while I was walking... maybe I just got paranoid, or Samuel is following me... this old creepy guy always makes me goosebumps, but no, it wasn't him... Entering school my skepticism gets bigger... and as I was looking around it felt even more centered... They were looking at me and started to laugh... upon entering the class I was in the center of attention... Normally I like that feeling, but now it appears more that they are shitting me... I've taken a seat and... 'enjoyed' the lessons at school... but there was this one thing more baffling: I wanted to know what they all were laughing about... and I couldn't even concentrate at school, until I've picked up my phone and saw it...  
“What the actual fuck?!”


	6. Security

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are some things which are quite awkward to realize: Surprises over surprises can bring us to a place where we just don't know what to do with them, whereas we are getting uncertain. Friendships are something which live through trust, but what happens, if the trust just comes so fast like you wouldn't believe it? Sometimes you just don't know what to do despite the situation, and in this moment Kate is in there. She is learning to know herself and Taylor and realizes that there is more behind her than the eye would have thought. What happens now? Can they really hang out together without one of them thinking that the other one just betrays him? Can Kate be sure, that Taylor says the truth?

I got it as a message... the photo from me, as I was hugged by Victoria... It was trending at social media like the plague in the 15th century. “Oh no... not again...” But fun fact, it wasn't centering about me, it was the Pervictoria? Victoria acted as a pervert as she tried to hug me while she was naked... Jesus christ, I am mentioned in... Victoria's coming out? I didn't believe what I've read there, but somebody had shot a photo of Victoria and me...   
This looks so weird... and upon seeing the photos and the video I was sure that it was a plan of Victoria to deceive me... again... but apparently she shot herself in the knee. The all so strong Miss Chase is now... citing the comments: 'wimpy' or 'A disgrace for blackwell.' Wow, they really can be harsh in these moments, but the worst thing is: they show Victoria naked as we were hugging each other... Maybe she was into girls all along... wow, that really changes it a bit... She was so hateful to me, because she loved me and she was just scared of me because I was just thinking about the bible? And well, it doesn't say that much good about homosexuals... 

Leviticus 20:13: If a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They are to be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.

Well, it is for men... and this form of cuddling is nothing sexual, but apparently they think it is some sort of love. Jesus, now I am again in the center of everything because of some pictures of me... whereas Taylor sent me another message... Oh no, please not... And as the lesson has ended I was watching at the mobile phone. “Hey Kate, apparently you've talked to Victoria. What happened?” She doesn't take any prejudice, that's... good I guess... “Oh, it's weird. Victoria wanted me to forgive her all the things I've done... but... well, I didn't feel like it and then... well, still I'd have liked to forgive her...” “And she hugged you? LOL... Sorry Kate, this is crazy!” “I know, that is... weird.” “But you are not into her, are you?” Jesus christ, no, how would she think about that?   
“No! Absolutely not! That's so embarrassing seeing myself on these pictures.” It really is... and while I was leaving school I still thought about them. It made me so crazy... Why does someone that? Upon sitting the bank near the streets I was totally confused. “You know, Kate... I don't believe that these were made by her wish...” “I guess so too. But who could it have been?” There was some sort of pause until Taylor started to write again. “Maybe Zac or Juliet, both of them were totally angry at Victoria for the sexting... or maybe Logan...” Jesus, when Zac or Logan could enter the girl's dormitories, that would creep me out like hell... “Don't think so... Zac or Logan aren't allowed in there... and I guess it could've been every girl at school, since nearly everyone has a reason to hate Victoria...”   
Yes it sounded harsh, but she was the... ahem... school... love maiden... She was famous for having loved everyone who apparently looked quite masculine and muscular, considering the rumors at least... “You know, we can talk about it when I'm at the hospital. School has started and after that I'll start to you, okay?” “Okay^^. Cya, Kate.”   
Just half a minute later I got a little bit confused by the students as I've entered photography class... apparently Victoria wasn't here and everyone else just looked at me despite the words of the teacher... Only a few moments later, the teacher told us how Polaroid cameras worked... I guess that would've been interesting for Max... I still wonder where she has been... Only a few minutes later Victoria entered class, whereas she apparently has attracted some more eyes than it should be... That's typical, she is in the center again, but now it's because of me... Seeing the people looking at her... laughing at her, it makes me kinda sad... It still can be a joke, but to be honest, it still can be something bad... but for the moment she has to hear the laughs and quotes of the other students...   
Hm... thinking about that fact that it was the other way just three weeks earlier...   
The lesson moved faster than I've expected... to be fair I couldn't remember what we should have learned at all...   
This teacher is awkward, however... Lesson is over, my feet were taking me out of school and I took the bus to the hospital to visit Taylor... It was a short-timed drive, maybe because of the fact I wanted to flee from school again because of these pictures someone made...   
Entering the hospital I was going to the room of Taylor, where I've knocked at the door... and upon entering I've realized that she had some visitors... in... costumes?   
Uh... “Hey... Taylor? Is everything okay?” “Kate, oh hey, I didn't expect you that soon... these are my parents...” “Oh, good evening, Mr and Ms Christensen... uh...” before they could have said something they've told me that they should go already since they are invited to a... “Halloween Party... oh damn, today is Halloween!”   
Taylor looked kinda sad, as they both left, and after that I was watching at the blonde lady lying in the hospital bed... “Happy Halloween, Taylor... I totally forgot that it is already...” Taylor giggles and looks into my eyes as I was leaning with my hands on the bar of Taylor's bed.   
“It's okay... you've made me the best present with your visit.” She smiles, while she is putting the backside of her bed a little bit higher. “You know, my parents would have invited me to a party today, but...” “Oh... that's why they were here.” She nodded, looked out of the window and was thinking about something... she really looked sad for the moment. “You know... as far as I can remember your plaster gets off tomorrow...” “Yep... but it's a day too late... it was the greatest party in the year...” She didn't look too sad about that fact, however...   
“Did you really want to go there?” She was still looking out of the window... the sun was shining into the room, but... it felt a little bit saddening to see it from there. “You really can read me like an open book, don't you?” “Uh... well, yes... to be honest I thought you didn't look so sad about it.” Taylor sighs a little bit, before she turns back to me. “Well, I am... There is this cute boy, called Clint, he is absolutely awesome... I've always seen him on the Halloween party my parents drive to, but today it's not possible...” She didn't look too sad about it to be honest, but maybe it was just my feeling though... But there was this one little idea which was in my head...   
This one little idea which would change our world... more than the storm... but I didn't know that at this point. I spoiled again...   
“Taylor... what about this: Tomorrow at the dorm we're gonna have a party for your comeback? I'll invite everyone to the party and we're celebrating until the night. How would sound that?” Taylor stayed silent, as she doesn't want to talk about it... “Kate... that would sound great, but... could you do me a favor and let me invite who should be at the party?” That sounded quite awkward, but... okay? If she really desires to have her list controlled, maybe it is better like this...   
“If you insist... I wouldn't know anyways who I should invite to the party...” “Just let that be my worry, Kate.” Again this intriguing smile. Just like she has planned something for this night... Sure, I don't have that bad feeling about that, since she told me that she hadn't that much contact with Victoria and Courtney is still in a coma... but still... “Kate, don't tell anyone... I don't know where I want to have this party, so...” Okay, I got it... it must be a joke... She is trying to get me to do something dumb...   
But let's play with her up to this point...   
“Okay... if you wish...” “Oh, and Kate... The doctor told me that I'll make an physiotherapy at the time between 12 and 5 pm, which shows whether I can go again or should stay in the hospital. So I guess I'll be ready at around 7 pm... I'll tell you where the party is going on then, okay?” I nodded and put a smile on my face... “Okay then... I've asked the nurse for a little bit more pudding...” she gave it to me... a self made vanilla pudding from the nurse. It was great... and after that we were talking quite long about it... I've never realized how many contrast Taylor actually had in herself...   
I mean, sure, we didn't cite bible verses, but she is speculating about religion at itself, because she never knew which belief is the best one. This was one of the best discussions I've ever had...   
We talked about Victoria and her problems with me, whereas it was mostly speculation. In that context we were even considering the photos... she comforted me a little bit since I always thought that these pictures could destroy my reputation... In the end I didn't even want to leave as it was already 8 pm... the nurse came in and literally threw me out... okay, she didn't hold me, but she was quite aggressive... we had spoken about everything we had in common... for around 5 hours... and in the end Taylor shrugged and sighed....   
“Sorry, Kate... I guess you have to go now...” I don't know if I looked sadder or she did, but... Jesus was that hard to leave... “Well... okay... see you tomorrow?” Looking at Taylor while she was smiling... “See you tomorrow, Kate...” “See you...”   
I have smiled like sunshine himself as I've left, filled with the ideas of Taylor... and despite the fact that it rained in the night and no bus drove home it was... wow... even this couldn't make my day worse...   
Do you know the feeling, when you think that you have found the person which understands you even by not talking...?


	7. Corruption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you just don't know what to do but then happens something so weird you can't explain for yourself. This is what happened to Victoria, as she was thinking that everything is alright, but realizing, that there is more than the eye could see. Being confronted by something happening in the past, Victoria tries to identify what happened there... but upon waking up she thought that this all was just a dream... or was it? Having an vision of something what could never have happened baffled Victoria like no one else, whereas she gets a totally new connection to the things happening to her. How does she react despite this craziness? Can she keep her brain in contact?

Wow, this day is just horrible. This vid about me hugging Kate made the whole school think I am desperately looking for a... a girl... Sure, this is shit, but I guess it was my fault for now. I should have put on some clothes then this would never have happened. Well, it was just plain weird, sure, but I didn't think about it at all... Well, I was in the center of school again, but now as the lesbian porn lady. Jesus Christ, some people can be way too rude...  
Already 5 pm, I was doing my homework. Math can be so annoying, but a few moments after I've finished homework, somebody knocked at the door. “Who's there?” “Hey, it's me, Dana...” What? Dana? I was standing up, opening the door and looked to her. “What do you want, Dana?” Sure, I didn't like it how she was condemning me as I've put this onto the slate of Kate's room, but... “It's about the video...” “Dana, if you want to make fun out of me, I'll shut the door in front of you. If your nose is bro...” Dana shakes her head, and raises her hands. “No, nothing like this at all. It is... something... weird going on now.” Crossing my arms suspiciously, my look got more annoyed and I leaned at the door.  
“Weird?” “Yes... the photo someone shot of you... it was totally anonymous. I was asking myself who could have done it...” Thinking about this, I never realized that there was nobody which could even have shot this photo... Breathing out, I was asking myself, how this was possible. “Have you seen someone entering the dorm?” “Not at the time... I guess Kate and you were the only ones who could know something about it.” I was touching my forehead, looking into Dana's eyes and wondering about her... “Why are you telling me this?” She lays her hand into the neck, as she was thinking about an answer apparently. This made her even more suspicious for the moment...  
“I just wanted to warn you... something's going on at Blackwell.” Maybe she was right... I didn't know anything about it, but well... I was hugging Kate, a person which I wouldn't touch at all... except for the last days, maybe it just got more harmonic...  
“Okay, I will watch out. Thanks Dana...” Dana looked a little bit baffled as I've said that. “Wow... Kate really changed you...” “Huh?” “Up to now you would have never said thank you to anyone... you were a total...” “Jerk?” “Egomaniac... are you somehow sick, Victoria?” Now this talk is confusing me... “No, I am alright... I just got a little bit wiser after all the things happened.”  
Dana still can't believe me, but to be fair, if I were in her boots, I would be skeptical too.  
“Hearing this from you, Victoria... uh, nevermind...” I sighed... She absolutely knows that I can be a bitch, but to be honest, I have lost the lust to it... maybe because of Kate too... Kate, hm... maybe the dreams are already over... I hadn't one since this weird confrontation...  
I just started to smile about the fact, that I hugged her. “Well, Dana... is there something else you want to know?” “Hm... not really... no... Guess that's it...” “Yep...” and afterward there was this silence between us until her phone rang. “Well, see you...” She waved, I looked behind and breathed out, as she left. Wow...  
I closed the door, laid down to bed and turned on some Indie music... yes, I like Indie music... listening to the paper kites... Courtney gave me their CD before we flew to the vacancies in Belmont. I am still a little bit sorrowed because of her, since well... she is still in a coma. I miss her, as well as Taylor, but since she will be released soon, my center lies at Courtney, at least for the moment... maybe I should write her a letter or something.  
But at first I want to write Taylor... “Hey, Taylor... how are you. I hope you are not too sad about the halloween party. I hope you'll get well soon. Victoria :)” She always told me about it, but I never realized, that it was that important to her... well, until now. Rethinking everything that happened it made my life a little bit easier... hm... Halloween... Normally Dana should go on a Halloween party, but since the storm destroyed some of the clubs it isn't possible for us to enjoy them... and to be fair, I am actually not interested in parties anyways... but maybe the Vortex Club may need a helping hand...  
Or maybe I just need some movement. I feel totally stiff from these days... Standing up, I was looking at my wardrobe... maybe I should put on something... hm... the white sprinkled cashmere sweater... I... I thought I've put it in the waste... Wow, it still looks totally ugly with the color on the shoulders. Fuck... Wow, it was an way easier time for me... having Taylor and Courtney as my private slaves had its benefits.  
And Max... Max Max Max... I started to grin at this moment, as I've remembered that she was comforting me... 

“What do you want, Max!” Jesus, not that bitch again... does she necessarily need to talk to me at this moment? I look ridiculous... “I am sorry... That's an awesome cashmere coat.” Hm... “It was... but there will be another...” I was looking away... but... “Well, you always seem to know how to pick the right outfits.” “I do have some talent, Mr. Jefferson told me...” “I've seen your pictures. You've a great eye, Richard-Avedon-esque.” Uh... wow, that was.... unexpected at least... “He was one of my heroes...” looking down at the stairs... just for a glimpse... “Thanks Max.”... Shaking my head again. “I hope those sluts get me a towel before they hang a sign on me...” looking in the eyes of her sad face... yep, sad face... “You deserve a better shot. Sorry about blocking you and... and the 'go fuck your selfie'.” “That was mean, but pretty funny...” She started to smile... not even ironically... 

It feels like the scene just ran before my eye... it made me laugh again... sort of, at least. Looking back to the door, I was wondering, if it was something more behind this girl than the eye would believe. I totally get sentimental, don't I? But to be honest, maybe it was good at all, that I got it dropped full of color... “Well, that's it...” Seeing Max never again makes me a little bit sad, but she chose her way. It is my time to shine now, I guess... and this time not as the class bitch.  
Upon looking at the watch, I've seen that it is already 9 pm... Homework is done and I guess, I should do something else...  
But I have no idea, what... the only thing I could do was wandering outside of the dorm, after I've put on a jacket... it is quite freezing at autumn on this time... So I was going to take a walk... maybe at the beach... I was wandering until midnight... not even realizing that it was Halloween today... and after I've returned at midnight I went to my room to get some sleep... 

Ouch, my head... I couldn't remember what happened... I was at the End of the World Party... my photo won... What the hell is wrong with me? I feel like... I can't move? Where am I?... I hear a voice... see someone... Mark? What was he doing? “I'm getting some spectacular images here, Max.” What is he talking about? “Yes, Victoria would kill to be in your place, but... she doesn't understand our... connection.” No... what the hell are you doing?! Damn, I can't speak... “You're the winner, Max. I chose you... your portrait.” “Fuck you!” “You're trying too hard, I know you're scared... You all have the same doe-eyed look when you wake up here... replaced by fear as you realize what's about to happen.” What is wrong about you, Mark? What are you doing? “Mr. Jefferson, why are you doing this?” “Oh Max... I'm so glad you asked that question. Simply put, I'm obsessed with the idea of capturing that moment innocence involves into...” 

“Corruption...” I wasn't awake at all... the word just came out of me, as I was sleeping... it woke me up... but... what the hell happened? “That shift from black to white to gray...” I was dreaming about Mark... Mr. Jefferson, who is behind bars... but what the heck was that? I was... I don't know, I felt like I was sleeping... I couldn't move at all... and as I awoke... all of this was just a dream... Do I really become crazy? Sure, he was an asshole, but I absolutely can't remember these things happening at all. I wasn't imprisoned in this strange chamber... what was this place anyways? I was sweating as I awoke... looking at my hands... they were shaking like an earthquake... This was more than a dream... I've seen Max in a... dark room... and Mr. Jefferson... or at least I heard them both. I couldn't see anything... What the hell was wrong in there? And why did Jefferson do this...? Sure, he is a psychopath in the end, but why do I think about him now? Relax, Victoria... everything is alright, it was just a dream... just a... dream... “Oh Shit!” I'm late at school!


	8. Togetherness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can we always be sure about the things happening or not? Sometimes we will face some situations where we can't await the whole situation up to this point where we get the feeling that we have dreamed too much and the things happening are all wrong. Kate is in such a situation, but what will happen now? Can she trust Taylor to get at the party? How many people will be there and will Kate feel good? And what happens in the end? Will she have a great show or will happen something which makes the day the worst day she ever had?

Hm, Victoria didn't come to school today. Maybe it was a bad day because of this awkward thing happening yesterday. Sitting in photography class again I was wondering if she really is alright. Looking out of the window I was wondering... it was raining again... the first of November, it looks so cold outside... and a little bit saddening. Wow, I guess there is nobody listening to the professor now... only one hour more and I can go home... I wanted to visit Taylor on this day, but since she is coming home today and she wanted me to wait for her... well, today no visit.   
Many moments later the bell ringed... I still was watching outside, whereas somebody was coming to me... “Hey Kate... you look so absent today...” “Huh? Oh, hey Brooke...” Sitting at the chair next to me I was wondering a little bit. “How are you today...?” “It's alright... just thinking about something...” “So the photos...” I shook the head... “Absolutely not... to be honest I am a little bit happy about them. They looked quite cute...” Brooke smiled about it. “A little bit. Nobody would have expected Victoria hugging you...” That's true... “Maybe...” “So... what are you doing today?” Normally I would say that I'll go to Taylor's party but she doesn't want me to tell anybody, so... “Well, nothing...” “Okay... Warren and I are going to a concert and his friend Jim wanted to come to us too, but he got sick. So we have one seat free... Local Natives are playing.” “Oh, Local Natives. Evan loves that band. He told me at the construction site of the houses...” “He... loves them?” “Yes, he is obsessed with them, but didn't get a card for the concert.” “Oh, so you wont have a prob...” I shook the head. “I'll write Evan that he should text you.” “Great, thanks...” Upon writing I was still thinking a bit about Taylor. She didn't write me the whole day... “So, he waits at the bus station...” “Thanks, Kate... see ya!” Brooke waved and left... A few moments later I went to my dorm... 

1 Corinthians 13:4-5: Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.

Well, not the best verse for the moment, but patience is very important to me for the moment... I'd like to rest for today, so I am prepared for the party. I hope she won't be sad if Brooke, Warren and Evan won't come... and it won't stop raining... at least for 6 hours... it is already 6 pm and I still didn't get a message from Taylor. Maybe she didn't want to hang out with me... Making a prayer while I was sitting at the chair... I just had the feeling I should pray... I don't know why... “Hm... it was too good to be true...”   
I felt sad for the moment... looking out of the window as the puddles are reflecting the light of the lanterns... sometimes a car drove around, as I was looking out... whereas I got a message. I was jumping up, running to the mobile, as I've realized that it was Evan... thanking me for leading Brooke to him... at least he had a good time. It made me smile a bit... “Oh Kate... why are you so kind...” I was taking the mobile phone, put on a jacket and just wanted to leave this room...   
I knew it... but maybe it is better like this...   
But then...   
“Hey Kate... Sorry for writing you this late, but the therapy needed longer than I thought... The party is at the fishing pier.”  
She didn't forget me... she just needed more time for the therapy. “Okay, omw” It was just a walk of ten minutes, but then I've seen Taylor... alone? “Hey Kate.” She was waving me, smiling again... and she was standing on both feet, wearing a jacket and some jeans. “Hey, Taylor... you look great.” “Thanks... sorry again for...” “It's alright...” Laying my hand onto my neck, I was looking down at her shoes. Taylor looked at me... “How's it going, Taylor? Does your foot still hurt?” “No, it feels great... really awesome, I really missed walking.” I laughed a little bit, holding my hand before my lips... after that grinning again as I was following her going along the pier... the fisherman's pub is playing some loud music...  
“Hm, I thought you would invite more people after you came out.” “Huh?” She looked one moment baffled at me... “Oh, yes, out of the hospital... At first I wanted to invite the whole photography club but since there is some concert going on, I didn't want to keep them away.” Nodding about this I was looking out of the ocean, whereas we both are arriving at the end of the pier.   
I saw her looking at the horizon... sighing...   
“Taylor?” “Hm?” “You know... to be honest...” She turns around, so that her back leaned onto the railing... “...I didn't expect you to write me at all...” “Oh... why? We had a great time at the hospital...” Folding my hands in front of me I wasn't sure what I should say about that. “And I like you, so why should we not enjoy some time together?” To be honest, I had no idea what I should answer now... I mean, sure she was nice, but that was just in the last days, so... “It's just...”   
“Just...?” and before I could answer that, the music had changed... “Omg! It's Coldplay!” Seeing Taylor so happy even after listening to the few violin cords was quite funny, but to be fair... “Viva La Vida... I love that song so much! Come on Kate, let's dance!” “Uh, dance?” Before I could even say something, she just pulled my hand and we made the pier to our own waltz place... “But I can't...” “Relax, Kate, just let me lead.” She puts her left hand onto my back and the right one into my left, whereas she was stretching that one... and we were dancing. My feet just didn't know in which direction I should move, but... wow, she danced heavenly... I felt like I was walking on clouds as she was holding me... She was totally warm... feeling her hand on my back, while she was whirling me around... no, whirling was the wrong word... I felt like dancing with an angel...   
“Wow...” As the big interlude came from the song, she took the hand from my back, turned me around a few times, while she was holding me with the other hand... until they started to sing again... I laid my hand on her shoulder... it went totally automatic, as we were preparing for the final scenes... where it ended with me falling back... Taylor held me again... “...and that is when I rule the world...” she whispered, as I was hanging in the air... only held by her hand... I was a little bit scared as she was holding me this whole time... but... I didn't know what to say...   
She was pulling me up again... Still baffled – and a little bit fuzzy – about it, I was leaning at the railing... “I... am... uh...” Breathing out because of this display of... yes, of Style by Taylor I couldn't break out a word... “You... uh... er....” She just started to giggle, as she was looking at me... “I haven't danced since the storm...” “Uh...” “I hope I haven't scared you, Kate.” She totally scared me, but in a beautiful way... I just... wow... This was amazing... I was looking at her... my head was totally red. “Oh man, that was totally embarrassing... I can't dance at all... You were so great, and I.” Taylor giggles again. “You were good, Kate.” She just smiled at me... looked me in the eyes, as she was leaning next to me. “Especially for your first dance it was great. I was already dancing for more than eight years.” She tried to make me feel better for sure...   
Well, it worked... I was sighing a bit, then looked at the pier and up to the stars... Powered out, but so happy... I was smiling the whole time... whereas Taylor was watching... “Thank you, Kate... for being at my party.” “I can't believe you were tricking me like this. First telling me something about a party and now we are both alone... what about this is a party?” “Did you enjoy it?” “Sure, but... I always thought a party needs...” “People?” “Uh... yes...” “Think about it at the End of the World Party... everyone was making out with each other, was dancing, moving absolutely idiotic and... well maybe there were even drugs in the party. Don't you think it is better like this?” Maybe she was right... it feels a little bit like it was the right thing to do in this moment...   
Taylor was standing next to me, I was looking up to the stars and nodded a little bit as an answer for the question before... it was really better now than I would've expected... “Kate...” I didn't even realize that she was talking to me at this moment... she just laid her head onto my shoulder as I was looking up to the stars... enjoying the view...   
She was laying her arms around my belly... looking at her, I realized that she was sleeping at my shoulder... I smiled a bit, laid my arm around her shoulder and giggled, because she started to moan... “Come, Taylor, let's go home...” She just brought a silent “Uh-huh...” out of her lips. It wasn't her day, since she had to train walking again... after I woke her up quite... unfriendly to be honest, I wanted to go home to Blackwell... but then... I can't remember what happened, but I fell through the pier... I broke through literally, whereas I tried to hold at Taylor again... she was shouting at me... but then I fell into the water... I wasn't totally sure what happened at all... “Kate!” I heard Taylor's shout, swam up again... and tried to run out of the water... I was totally freezing after I left the water... Luckily it wasn't too far to get home again... Taylor ran into the water to get me out faster...   
And as we were walking back to the dorm I froze totally... Taylor herself even put off her jacket to warm me... despite the fact that she was freezing too... and as we were in the dorm, well... she was totally awake again... “I'm so sorry, Kate... I didn't realize...” I was shivering... freezing... It felt like needles in my body... I couldn't speak anymore... got goosebumps... This was the worst moment of this day... Taylor brought me to my room, even changed my clothes... What should I do? I can't feel anything at all... 

Proverbs 25:13: Like the cold of snow in the time of harvest Is a faithful messenger to those who send him, For he refreshes the soul of his masters.


	9. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you get the feeling that something is wrong but you don't know what it is. In this chapter Victoria gets confronted with the past of something which never could happen. But she still has no idea what she should do because of these nightmares dancing in her head. She is connected to something she can't say and she tries to find the solution of all of this to know that she isn't crazy at all. What have these visions to do with her? Why does she have them and what should she do because she has no one to talk about them?

I was totally baffled last night... I even overslept school because of this weird nightmare... and I thought it wouldn't make sense to go there again. Still... what was that? Why was I dreaming of Mark and Max? Both of them were baffling me totally... I mean, why was she cuffed on a chair? It felt like a nightmare...   
Maybe... could it be...? I was looking at the computer... Google... Mark Jefferson bunker... Maybe I can find something in there... okay, moving the mouse at the news of the incident... “Okay, let's see...” Okay...   
“In a bunker... no... no... Jefferson... No... where is it?” I was watching and watching but I couldn't find any photos... except... “I see... Prescott.” Ah, I know where it is... Nodding about this... Nathan... What happened to him after the storm? Did he survive? I haven't seen him since then... I wonder: had Max something to do with it? No, Max is not a murderer, definitely not... or is she?   
No... I'm getting paranoid, I guess. But maybe I should go to that bunker... Yes, I should definitely go to that bunker, when it is that what I think... Okay... at least it had stopped raining. Okay, take my walk to the car... I definitely need to go there, but I don't want to risk to get any wet... On my way to the underground car park of Blackwell I was taking a jacket and an umbrella with me, just in case it gets cold... Okay, I'm done... I've started the motor and... 

“Message received yesterday at 9pm.” I was driving a car... no idea where to go... but... “Max, it's... it's Nathan. I just wanted to say... I'm sorry...” Looking down to the phone It was... Nathan... He was calling me... “I didn't want to hurt Kate or Rachel, or... didn't want to hurt anybody.” That... that... “Everybody... used me... Mr. Jefferson is coming for me now. All this shit will be over soon... Watch out Max, he wants to hurt you next.” Upon looking at this... he said his last word...

“Sorry... So... no, that can't be... Nathan is... no... no... oh my god, no... please... please let that be a dream. Don't let that be true, this can't be happening...” I was shocked as I woke up again... looking at the wall of the car park... I didn't even drive away... He is... but he hadn't been... no, how is this possible? And where was his corpse? There was nothing standing in the newspaper...   
Maybe Max knows something more... come on, Victoria, concentrate... concentrate on Max... “Fuck!” I was hitting with the hand on the horn... Huh, this can't be true... I have to find this out myself. Starting the motor I drove out of Blackwell on the way to the bunker...   
but upon leaving, i've seen a familiar face on the pavement... Stopping the motor I've seen the blonde girl walking with the trolley... and she is clothed with... a blouse? Nothing more? “Taylor... hey, you look good.” “Oh... hey Victoria...” She didn't look like she wanted to see me at the moment, but however... “Yes... I feel better now... may I ask you? You look a little bit confused...” “Don't mind me, that's not important. It's great to see you again...” “Thanks... but, why didn't you visit me the last days?” I looked down, laid my index finger onto my lips.   
What should I say?   
I got mental by nightmares? “Uh... I'll tell you later... it's way too crazy to say something. And I guess you would need a seat for that.” Seeing her as she started to freeze I was looking back into the car... “Wait a second...” I was laying my hand onto the trolley. “What are you doing, Victoria?” “I'll bring your suitcase to your dorm, when I drive back, okay? Until then I can put it into the trunk...” Seeing in there the jacket, I didn't stop by this... “And please, put on this jacket... You look like you are freezing...”   
Seeing Taylor quite baffled was a little bit amusing, since she didn't expect me that I would give her my jacket... “Now I am sure that you are some sort of sick. What is going on, Victoria? And where do you want to drive anyways?” I looked into her eyes, breathed out and nodded. “I wanted to drive to that strange bunker where Mark Jefferson had apparently drugged the girls.” “Oh... you mean... wait a second, Mark Jefferson...? Our Mark Jeff...” “Yes, our former teacher...” She thought this is totally crazy, but... to be fair, this all is just freaking us both out. The only reason I am doing this is well, these dreams. She breathed out. “Okay, you must have your reasons... but... well, thank you for the jacket... I'll bring it back when I got into my room... but, sorry Victoria, gotta go... someone is waiting for me and I'm already late.” “Oh... I see... okay... see you later...” I was hugging her... yes she thought it was weird, but okay... “See you...” Taylor smiled, as I entered the car. I waved to her and went my way to the bunker...   
Upon arriving there it was already night. But I knew where the bunker was, and it should be opened normally. And as I was at the barn, I was taking my mobile as a flashlight... “Okay, there it is...” Slowly moving into the barn I was a little bit scared... It was quite dark and I thought that this could be some scenario of a horror flick... and so... well, I was walking to the bunker... there it was... inside the barn I slowly walked through the darkness, my flashlight lighting at the trapdoor which led to the way to the bunker...   
It was totally weird... looking around, empty... Thinking about the fact that Nathan possibly could have been there the whole time. Maybe I can find him... Now there it was... the trapdoor. I opened it... it wasn't even closed. And now there it was, the steel door to the bunker, looking like a safe... on the side there was a number lock... Apparently someone tried to open it with a crowbar, but it didn't work... The door was kept shut... and they couldn't even enter from the side..: Wow, this bunker is definitely something safe... “Victoria... what should you do now...” Upon looking at the buttons there were 10 numbers... and just three of them were scratched... “Two, four and five...” Damn, I have no idea what the code could be... And since I've seen that the door will stay shut for one hour upon putting in the wrong code three times I don't know what to do... Some of the numbers are scratched... it appears that the most scratched one is... “Five... Four... Two.” I tried the code... Red light, Fuck... that was the wrong one... come on... why don't I get a dream when I need one?   
Maybe... I was walking out of the room with the bunker door and started writing a message... “Mr. Prescott? It's me, Victoria Chase...” Upon writing I've realized that this could be a bad idea. No, I need someone who maybe knows about the bunker... But I have no idea who could that be... Damn, so all of this was plain useless...   
“I knew it was too good to be true...” I sighed, leaned at the door of the bunker and looked down. “Max could know it... but...” I shook the head and looked at the stairs, maybe there is something in the barn... Upon looking in there I just found nothing... except a letter from Nathans granddad... This is just bad... I was looking at the door of the barn... I guess I should go home for now... Moving slowly out of the barn I was thinking about the things happening... Maybe I should try another code again... but I have no plan what it could be...   
“Fuck...” I was walking out of the barn, went to the car and still thought about the code... but I drove home... Shit. This can't be true at all. Back in the school I still don't know what I should do about this bunker... There are so many things happening in my head, whereas I was getting a new message from someone... “Watch out were you are going, Miss Chase.” It was anonymous... what the... where does... Jesus, I feel a little bit pursued... Going out of the car I was wondering about this again... I couldn't rest... even when I got home. I've put the trolley of Taylor next to the door of her room and went to my bed... it was already midnight...   
“Fuck!”


	10. Instability

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes our feelings and our ideals are in conflict together. We want to do the right thing, but there are no right things we can do now. Kate has this problem, where she can make one of her greatest failures in her lifetime, but for what price? Being part of a bigger thing, she even lets Victoria into her world, because she is full of sorrows, and Taylor was filled with hope, thankful. But how long is this possible that this friendship could prevail? How long can Kate keep her happiness with the girl she once considered a foe but now wants to call a friend? And what influence will Coldplay have on these two girls? What happens to Victoria?

I felt a little bit confused, as I woke up... my head hurt a little, as I was laying in Bed... Touching my head it felt a little bit hot... Huh... I can't remember what happened yesterday, okay I still knew that I fell through the pier into the water... I was freezing, it was totally cold and Taylor brought me home. Did she... A little bit panicking I was moving the blanket away from my body... Uh... I am wearing... Taylor's clothes? Okay... this is weird... Hm... I was sitting up very fast, but then my head did hurt because of this move... “Ouch...” Touching my forehead, I was lying down... What the hell happened? Did I get drugged again...? No... it was because of this water shock... but as I was lying down again, the second shock came... Taylor... she was lying next to me... with bare shoulders... I wonder... No, I should let her sleep. I think I see now what she has done to me...   
She looked so silent, seeing her long, blonde hair lying on her cheeks... the blanket hiding half of her shoulders... It looked like she is wearing nothing under the blanket. She seemed so happy, looked like she was smiling as she had her head sidewise on the cushion, her eyes closed, laying onto her right shoulder... some strands of her hair are still hanging on the other one... I totally wanted to stroke it behind...   
I did it... just laid my finger onto the hanging strands and put them behind her head... after that I was laying my hand under my head, smiled... started singing silently, hopefully I didn't wake her up. “And then I looked up at the sun and I could see... Oh the way that gravity pulls on you and me...” Her Lips were moving... “And then I looked up at the sky... and saw the sun...” she sung beautiful... “And the gravity pushes on everyone... on everyone...” She opened her eyes... looked into mine... She just knew the song...   
“I always wanted to dance to this song at the talent show when I came to Blackwell...” Listening to this sentence made me shiver again... “Why you didn't?” “I couldn't find a dance partner...” Her face got a little bit sadder as she mentioned that... “At least no one who is as talented as you are... I mean, you are great...” She just sighed as I was saying this... she apparently wanted to talk about something else. “Are you alright, Kate?” She lays her hand onto my forehead, apparently she wanted to see if I had some fever... I just nodded, as her hand slowly wandered onto my cheek. She was stroking me on it... I was shutting the eyes... “Thank you... Taylor.” She came nearer, I felt it, since the bed was moving... She was laying her arms around me... pressed her body under the blanket onto mine... and hugged me...   
She just held me... nothing more, no words, no thinkings, no person... she was hiding her face at my shoulder... I was laying my hand onto her hair... petting them slightly. This was a moment which didn't need any words... nor anything else, we were merely holding each other... until we both were separating each other. Taylor was sitting up... showing that she still wore her bra... “Kate... may I... have my jacket...?” She was standing up, showing herself nearly in total nudity... just wearing underpants and a bra... I took off the jacket and gave it to her... “Sorry... I...” “It's okay... I gave it to you.” She smiled at me, as I was sitting here, wearing Taylor's blouse... and her trousers... “I got to go now... Kate...”   
And there it was... the moment, the one moment which can make the world into another place... This one moment, where the love of your life was looking at you, waiting for something you would say... Something you would do. I could have jumped out, hugged her again... even kissed her on the cheek... I could have said stop... and then said 'I love you' but... nothing... I didn't say anything... remained silent...   
And in the end I hated me for that... I knew, Taylor's heart was crying out loud, shouting for something I would do... but... I couldn't. It wasn't in my moral codex... 

Romans 1:32: Though they know God's decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.

Taylor was leaving... I was looking at the door as she was gone. You have done the right thing, Kate. It is better like this. Despite the fact that it felt so wrong I was sure, that this was the best thing to do. I stood up, looked at the door... the whole time... even while I was feeding my little bunbun... even while I was changing my clothes. I was hoping she would come back...   
But she didn't. She wouldn't come back again...   
I shook the head, wanted to brush my teeth and went to the shower room, where I was thinking about all of this... I looked down at the sink, looked in the mirror... “Kate... why are you such an idiot...” as somebody came nearer. “Who did you talk to, Kate?” “Huh? Oh... Hey Victoria... were you in the showers?” “Yes... today I didn't forget to put on some clothes.” I finished brushing my teeth and turned around to look at her.   
“You look good, Victoria...” She smiled a little bit. “Thanks, but I feel like shit today.” “What happened?” “Well... I was at some strange place... exactly at the bunker of the Prescotts.” “You mean... the bunker where the evidence for Mark Jefferson... What were you doing there?” She shook the head, leaned at the sink next to me and sighed, as she was trying to speak something which would make sense... but then... “No, you wouldn't believe me, Kate... it is way too...” “Crazy?” She nodded... “I have done something totally idiotic just ten minutes ago... so... you can't surprise me...” “Okay, but... can we go to my room so I can tell you? Maybe I am a little bit paranoid, but I have all reason to be...” “Sure...” I was following Victoria to her room, taking a seat at the chair next to her computer as she was closing the door and sitting at the bed.   
Only a few seconds later the silence just filled the room, that's why I have started to talk again... “I've seen what you were writing at my whiteboard... thank you, I know, it must have been hard to give me a chance for a new friendship, since you thought I can't forgive you... but... yes, I've got the feeling, that you are kind in the end...” Victoria started to smile. “It's okay... fuck... I really was a bitch...” I just shook the head and leaned onto the armrest of the chair with the elbow, whereas I was laying my head onto my hand. “God said that everybody who realized that he has done something wrong, will get salvation.” Victoria leaned forward, folding her hands in front of her and putting her elbows onto the thighs. I was seeing a brown sweater on her bed, filled with sprinkles...   
“Kate... the thing I'm going to tell you is totally weird. I want you to keep it like a confession secret... no word to anybody, clear?” “Okay...” It made me feel a little bit nervous, but if it is so important that no one should know it, maybe it is a bad idea just to talk to me.   
“You know, I have these awkward dreams... At first I was just dreaming of you and mobbing you... I felt like shit because of this and realized how you have suffered because of me. Now the dreams are over, but I've learned you to know as a good person... but now I just see these dreams of... well, of Mark, Max... and... and Nathan...” “Nathan? Isn't he in therapy?” “I thought so too, but... now I am scared that he is...” She was looking away... “But... but what makes me so sure?” “This is so crazy, I have heard it on Max's phone as she was driving the car at the tenth of October, I guess...” “One day before the storm...” “Yes, and I've seen more... Jefferson was drugging Max... I've seen myself where my shirt got sprinkled... Fuck! This sounds so... shit...” 

Matthew 11:28-30: Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

“No... it doesn't. It sounds like God wants to tell you that you are on the right path... you have a very hard burden on your back, and I think he just believes you can take it.” “God... but what makes you so sure?” “I don't know... God helps us, when we need him at most, and he shows us how to make the world a better place...” “Does he allow a human being to pursue me...?” “You... you are getting...” She stood up, gave me her mobile and I've seen this message... Wow, this is... Jesus Christ... why should somebody should write something like this? 'Don't dare to come back again, or you'll face the consequences.' with a death skull next to it.   
There were three of them, the first was quite secure, but the more time elapsed... wow, she appears to be in real danger. “Where have you been that someone would write you this...?” “Just at the bunker. But then this happened...” This was serious... We have to do something. “Okay, we should call the police. You aren't safe in there.” “You think the police would believe me that someone anonymous wrote me this?” “Oh... they won't...” I was looking at the window, thinking about any alternatives about this... but I had no idea... Still I was thinking about Taylor...   
“Kate... please, let this stay just between us. I don't want anybody to know about this.” “Okay... I promise...” I nodded, looked at her and stood up... but before I left... “Kate?” “Yes, Victoria?” I tried to stay calm, but... “I have the feeling, you have a very hard burden too... don't you?” No word, Kate... this should be something you should keep for yourself. “Yes...” “And you don't want to tell me... don't you?” “No... I'm sorry.” She nodded, breathed out... “Kate... if you really want to... please tell me.” I looked at her, pressed down the door handle and looked to Victoria...   
“I will...”


	11. Return

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donovan Berkeley, a well-known psychotherapist should help Victoria with her problem, he was a good friend of Mr. Chase and is considered good in his job. That was the reason why Victoria called him in the first place two days ago. But can he really help her, getting rid of all of these thinkings or does he make all of these things worse? And how does he try to help her? Can she really trust him or is she just someone with more layers than the one of the therapist? And what about Taylor? Can these both former friends find together again?

Seeing Kate so baffled... She looked so hurtful as she left the room. I wonder what would have happened to her that she is so sad. Maybe, just maybe it had something to do with Taylor... I wouldn't believe this at all... well, I should maybe look for Taylor. So... I was standing up, walking slowly to the door and left my room...   
Hm, what is she doing in front of Taylor's door? “Juliet?” I really could read her look exactly like she wants to say 'Oh no, not that bitch again.' “What is it, Vic...” “What are you doing at Taylor's door?” “I am waiting for her bringing me a cup of milk. What do you think I am doing here?!” Yep, she definitely needs a fight.   
“You know what, maybe you should...” And now in this moment... again... Shit... my head burns... “Uh... what now, Victoria, trying to get a brain?” 

“...shhhhh... relax Megan, everything is alright.” “Uhhhh... my head...” What is happening? I can't remember what happened at all... ouch, my head. I am totally fuzzy... “Come on, I'll bring you home...” “Thanks...” Who was that guy? I couldn't even see a silhouette. Trying to move my head again... Wow, I think I am drunk. I hope I can go home soon... Oh, I am sitting in a car? The lights are moving unbelievably fast... Wow, I feel totally weird... I got out... I guess... Okay, moving on... where is my house... Uh... wow, it feels like everything is way faster than I thought. I feel like I'm flying... I'm flying high... I am a bird, a butterfly... wow, that feels so great... oh no, a frog... he is pulling me into the water... no... I want to fly... Let me fly... don't eat me! No! NO! 

“Ground Control to Major Tom?” I was hearing these things as I awoke again... and as I awoke I was standing in front of Taylor? “Uh... ouch. I...” “Victoria, are you okay?” “Oh... hey Taylor. Yes, I am okay, I guess. Just a little bit out of myself. There were some stressful days, you know.” I was looking into her eyes. She appeared a little bit... sad? “Are you alright?” Taylor nodded a little, normally a sign which says that she is quite unsure. I don't like where this is going. “Come on, Taylor, let's take a walk.” Sure, I want to know something else from her, but for the moment I wanted to bring her out of Blackwell, since she looked like she didn't want to be here.   
Upon leaving we were both sitting at the bench near the dorm. “I know you, Taylor... and I am happy that you are back again, but... sorry, you look like something is bothering you.” She looked a little bit around, breathed out. “It's nothing. Just being pensive about a few things.” I looked at the corner... I knew that there was more in her...   
“It's okay, if you don't want to talk about it. I won't put any pressure on you anymore.” “You never did that, Victoria.” I was raising my hand like I wanted to tell her that she should stop. She appeared a little bit nervous now, but that wasn't my intention at all. “As you told me you didn't expect me at all, how did you mean that?” She laid her hands together... “Nothing... Just didn't believe you would come.” Was that all? Just the fact that I wouldn't come to visit her? Sure, the last days I couldn't come, but that felt a little bit harsh. I shook the head. “I would have visited you, but the hospital was closed already... and the next days were totally crazy.” “I know, I've seen the photos of you hugging Kate while you were naked.” She giggled...   
And sure, that wasn't the worst thing, but at least she wasn't that sad anymore. Maybe it helped. “Were you on drugs or something?” “You wouldn't believe it anyways...” She was looking at me like I was some sort of ghost, but that's another story. She was laying her hand onto the bench, I was looking at her. “Taylor?” “Yes?” I smiled a little. “It's great that you feel better.” Laying my hand around her neck onto her shoulder I was thinking about the moment when I've hugged her the last time... “Friends forever, Sweet-T?” She looked into my eyes. “Friends forever.” And again this giggling voice from her. “What have you taken, Victoria? You are so happy.” “Nothing, I am just glad that you went out of the hospital... It must have been sad when nobody came to visit you.” Up to that point I didn't know that Kate was visiting her... not even knowing that she is so angry because of her...   
We both were just talking about everything... the Halloween party she couldn't visit. What she has done yesterday and why she was a little bit frozen. But that reminded me of something for what I should be sorry for... “Did you actually get your trolley?” “Oh... yes, I got it. Thanks Victoria.” At least that worked out well.   
But only a few moments later my mobile started to ring. “One moment...” Taking it out, I was realizing it was from the one who sent me the messages earlier... 'You know you look cute when you are sitting next to your blonde friend... She is totally hot, you know?' What the heck? Was this guy following me here? I looked nervous around... and Taylor realized that. “Something wrong?” “Uh... no, it's nothing.” I didn't want to lie to Taylor, but she had more problems than that and I didn't want to add the sorrow for me to her predicament.   
“You know... I have a little appointment today... that's why I have to go now, sorry.” “Oh... okay, Victoria... see you later?” “Sure!” I was waving and left the garden in front of the dorm... it was nearly 3 pm... Sure, the therapist should come to school at 4, but I didn't feel comfortable at all when I would have stayed at Blackwell, especially because of this guy... That's why I went to the psychologist by myself... writing that I would come instead of waiting for him.   
I just needed that freedom...   
And only a few minutes later I've arrived... just entering the office, whereas Br. Berkeley, the therapist is practicing. I was totally alone, well, it is quite late to be there since he is normally closing at 4, but it was something I needed to talk about and Mr. Berkeley is a good friend of my father, so that should be okay, I guess...   
“Miss Chase?” “Oh, good evening, Dr. Berkeley.” “Please call me Donovan. I've heard you are having some problems with dreams?” “Uh... yes... It is...” “Come on, follow me, please.” I nodded and followed Donovan to the therapy room. There were two chairs and a threapy couch.   
He was sitting at one of them... “Please, take a seat, Miss Chase...” “Victoria...” He was smiling very friendly... very warm... He had short, black hair and a short, curly mustache. If he would have had a cylinder he totally would look like the monopoly guy...   
His clothing style just shouted out Professor: A tweet jacket and some brown trousers... well, he is a psychologist, it fixes to him to be fair. “So... you were talking about these dreams lately... Can you tell me what?” I was telling him everything: the dreams of my past, considering Kate, then the later dreams of the things happening...   
But just the dreams... not that they would have been true.   
“Okay... why are you thinking so much about these persons?” “I don't know... that is so weird. Sure I made a friendship with Kate and Max... but I never thought that this would be... like this? That I see them in my dreams.” “Do you want that to happen? I mean, them in your dreams.” I shook the head, sighed and thought about it again. “No... These are just so bad things.” “And Mr. Jefferson... Do you think about him in more ways?” “Since he got in prison?” He nodded... “No...” “Can you remember, as you were sitting there on the couch?” I tried to... Okay, I sit at the couch... he was talking... “Yes... I told you...” “I meant... what happened after that?” “I can't remember...” I was thinking about it, breathed out and looked at him, as he was writing something on the paper...   
I was thinking about the thing on my mobile... the only thing I didn't mention there, whereas I was thinking about it... Huh... maybe I should tell him about this, but I guess that this would be nothing he should be interested in... he is no police officer.   
On the other hand... he may try to help me... “Okay, Victoria... I want to try something out with you. We will make some lessons in two days, okay?” “What time?” “At best when school is over...” “Okay... that's 2pm.” He nodded. “Come to the room 114, it is specially made for the things I try to do with you...” He gave me a sheet of paper with the time and the place... “Thank you... Donovan.” “No problem... but I guess we need more than one lesson to get rid of it... Watch yourself, Victoria.” “I will... good bye, Donovan.” I was leaving the room, wandering back to school and thought about the dreams again...


	12. Insecurity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you just don't know what to do, being unsure about yourself and filled with hate against something you don't know about... Sometimes you are unsure what is right and wrong since it goes against your own rules and you have the feeling something is totally wrong. This is the story of Kate in that situation, unsure about her feeling because of Taylor, but she has to choose the right way, which is easier said than done. But to whom should you tell? Sometimes it is better to stay silent, that is what Kate thinks too... but how long is this possible without getting desperate or crazy?

Kate... you look so sad... Huh... no wonder anybody likes you, you look like a freaking zombie. Oh man, how can you be such an idiot. Look at yourself, you are ugly. You are the worst looking person in the world. Damn you... Screw you, Kate, you are the worst thing in the world. I was shutting the eyes, breathed out and just...   
Shit... The whole time I was looking at the mirror, felt so crazy. Kate... damn, what is wrong with you? I felt like vomiting, but... but it was necessary. I need to cleanse all of these thoughts out of me. Shut your eyes, this is something forbidden... Looking at the mirror I felt like I was the worst person in the world... I was washing my face... I hoped it would help me. But no, I just wanted to break the mirror and cut my face with the shards. This should make me at least think I have done something wrong...   
“Kate...?” Looking at the side I was seeing Alyssa... “Hey Alyssa.” “Hey... are you okay? You look a little bit sad.” She laid her hand onto my shoulder. I breathed out. “Yes, I'm okay...” You know this feeling when you totally feel broken and can't tell because it makes you think, that your problems are important to no one in this world... or at least now I didn't want to make Alyssa sorrowful.   
But upon looking at her...   
“Hm, okay... what do you think about Mr. Coldham? He doesn't look like that he wants to be here.” Yes, Coldham, our photography teacher feels so annoyed at all. He is just here, because of the things Jefferson has done. “Well, at least we didn't lose the club. Principal Wells wanted to dissolve it, but at least this old man came back. Sure, he isn't interested at all, but we don't have to look for other clubs.” I was looking at the mirror, thought about the things she said. Hm... maybe I should do another club... Photography class is great, but I don't feel comfortable with Coldham.   
We were talking a little bit about Coldham again, as I've left the bathroom...  
Well, at least the time ran away as I was talking to her. She was very friendly and I felt like I could talk to someone normally. “So, Kate, how was your weekend?” “Well, it was a little bit weird... I was dancing with... someone... it was a waltz.” “You can dance?” I shook the head. “Well, not really. I have tried once, but I was way too clumsy.” “Oh... okay... anyhow I would have thought you may liked the dance club...” Sure it would have been interesting, but I can't dance at all... I was breathing out and shook the head. No, I am not good-looking enough as a dancer.   
Maybe this shouldn't be the case t all... I wouldn't know which club would be good too... So let it be... “I guess I'll stay with photography alone...” “Hm, if you insist, okay.” She was still thinking about some things... hm... “Are you really okay, Alyssa?” She nodded. “Just thinking about Max...” “Max, huh?” Alyssa nodded, as we were looking at the beach... we were sitting at another bench with view to the sea.   
“Yes... Did you know that she saved me four times before she left?” “Four times?” “Yes...” She told me about a pool noodle who nearly drowned her and the absolutely vicious toilet paper attack. I didn't know whether I should laugh or hug her, but all of these stories where totally ridiculous. Shaking the head, I was just amused about that, but then I remembered something else.. “She saved me too, you know?” “Yes... you were standing at the roof of the dorm...” “Trying to jump, yes...” I nodded, breathed out and was thinking about it again. “You know... I always thought I should pay for all the sins I've done on this video...” She was looking at me... “You have to pay nothing, Kate... you are amazing, as you are...” “No, Alyssa... I am not, just Kate, nothing more.” Alyssa was looking out of the ocean, pointing at a boat which is swimming there...  
I was wondering what she wanted to say... but she kept silent, whereas I was looking at it for a short time. Maybe she wanted to say more about it but I don't know what to say... She looked at me... “Sorry, I got to go now...” “Uh... Alyssa? What did you mean?” She shrugged her shoulders and smiled mysteriously, before she left... I didn't know where she was going, for one moment I've even thought that she is a ghost.   
“Huh... what did she mean with that?” I was still thinking about the boat which she was showing me and stayed silent... That was some sort of riddle I guessed but where I didn't have any solution at all. I didn't know what to do... but only a few moments later someone came to me... “Kate?” I was looking backwards, seeing Taylor in front of the statue of Blackwell...   
“Hey Taylor...” She sat on the bench as I was looking at her.   
She acted so happy... I didn't know what I should say, she always smiles, like everything is good, when she was here. Like the world became sunnier with every time I was meeting her. “How was your day, Taylor?” “Uh... well, it was okay...” She didn't stop smiling at all... “Just okay? Something wrong?” She shook her head, leaned onto the bench and laid both hands on it. “It is just... you brought me onto an idea.” “Gravity?” She nodded, but sighed in the same moment. “You always wanted to dance to this song...” She leaned forward, as she was looking to me.   
This was the moment, where she didn't look happy, but more sorrowful. “It's just. Even if I finish the choreography, I don't know whether anyone wants to dance with me to this song...” “Why?” “Well... it's Coldplay. I guess we are the only two people which like that song.” I was looking down at the pavement... I didn't know what to say... but one thing was sure... “You know... I really would like to dance with you, but I have absolutely no talent to dance.”   
She looked at me, laid her hand onto my shoulder and smiled at me. “It's okay. I am thankful that you remembered me again that I wanted to do this...” I guess she wanted to say, that I have still much more talent than I would think about me, but... I haven't. Sure, there was... no, I have no talent at all.   
But then... well, there was something else she wanted to know. “Kate...?” She was coming a little bit nearer, laid her hand onto my shoulder and looked into my eyes. “Do you like me?” She was asking quite a weird question... but... 

John 15:12-15: My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 

She still looked at me, wondering what this was about... I didn't say anything, until... “I can hear your heart beating... I can hear that sound.” She began to sing with me... “But I can't help thinking  
And I won't look now.” We both were singing the refrain together, until the end, where she held up her open hand. I laid it into mine and we were folding the hands together.   
“Thank you, Kate... for everything.” She put her head onto my shoulder, shut her eyes and enjoyed the sundown with me. “You too, Taylor...” Laying my left hand around her waist as we were holding the outer ones together, it felt just right... I guess we both are now really friends together... No reason anymore not to trust her... well, at least not for the moment. And she was just great, so strong, so special, so safe... I always felt I got a little bit lighter when she is next to me. That is what true friendship means, I guess...   
“Kate?” Looking at her, she sounded quite serious... “Can I tell you something?” “Sure... everything.” “It is... hm... you know...” A little bit wondering, what she is thinking about I wasn't sure what I should say to her... “Fuck, I can't say it... It's way too crazy to say.” Hm, okay... if she says so, that should be okay. “Let's just enjoy the sundown, okay?” She nodded and cuddled me a little bit more...


	13. Rememberance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you just need to talk to someone to find out how deep his or her feelings are. Victoria is finding out something about Taylor nobody knows, because she kept it hidden the whole time. And this is the moment, where there should be more than one decision to choose... Confronted with the truth the world is turning around, looking to another side and seeing what actually her best friend is thinking... How does Victoria react? Will she accept her or not?

So, that's it... I have an appointment at Dr. Berkeley's. To be honest I have a little bit hope that he could help me, but I am not so sure...? Wow... Am I real? Is that real? Taylor... uh... hugging Kate? Hm, maybe... oh my... I get it, that's why Taylor wasn't angry at all... Kate must visited her...   
But that more looks like they are dating each other. No, at first that video and now Kate is into Taylor? No... Surely not, she is the deepest catholic I've ever seen. And as far as I remember her parents are too.   
Forget it, Victoria, you should think about more important things than these girls... on the other hand Taylor is one of my best friends and to be honest I start to like Kate as a person. Maybe they really can go together. And well, both are dancers, so why not? On the other hand I shouldn't interfere in their relationship. But still... Fuck, don't be so noisy! That is their personal thing if they want to cuddle together. Yes, you have something better to do, for instance finding out where the guy is which sends you these creepy messages.   
Duh, this is still quite annoying. I have the feeling that this is hard for me to find out but Donovan may help me, because I think that all of these thoughts are more than the eye would see. Upon entering the dorm I was trying to open the door... but I lost the keys. “Damn...” Upon losing the keys I was looking at the keys, knelt down and took the keys up again, and only a few moments later Taylor came to me. “Oh, hey Sweet-T... you look happy.” “You did see us, don't you?”   
Well, it was hard not to see to be honest... So, well, yes, I nodded. I have no reason to believe anything else... “Come on in, let's talk inside.” I was opening the door, took the key and looked at Taylor as she was... uh... leaning at the door trying to hide from someone?   
“Is something wrong?” “Everything... I... damn... I...” She looked like she ran away just a moment ago. “Relax for a moment, Taylor... breathe out.” She still waves her hands in every direction. I didn't know how to stop her radical dance. But she apparently tried to explain something... whereas she nearly stopped breathing. I gave her a bottle of water. “Drink!” “But... I!” “I said drink!” She nodded, opened the bottle and drank from the bottle. And then she breathed out.   
“I am so totally fucked up, Victoria...”   
“What's wrong? Tell me...” I didn't believe that it could be so bad... but well, then this happens... “Kate... she is so... I was speaking to her since three days, and at these she always was by my side, just to comfort me. Nothing more, nothing less... But I... Fuck...” She really looked like something is bothering her totally, as she was coming to the bed and was sitting next to me. I wondered what was wrong with her... until she told me another story, whereas she was thinking so much about it. “Victoria... I once told you a story about a girl I once knew...” “Lynn?” She nodded as she was looking around a little bit. “She was at her senior year, as we were entering school, but then...” She really appeared sadder than before upon telling me this. I was wondering what was wrong with her. I've heard she tried to commit suicide by drugging... Lynn... Maybe it has something to do with my dreams. “What is it about her...”   
She looked at me, then looked down at the floor. I remembered that they both were good friends together, but... “Maybe it is better that we go to my room...” I've nodded, stood up and went to her room... it was full with different posters of some movies... Hm... She was sitting at her bed... purple bed linen with some black flourish on them... Photos of herself hanging around, but I always wondered why it looked so empty... just like I was looking at the TV, it was smaller than mine, but you can look quite much on it... connected with a DVD player it should be quite nice... she was looking at the wardrobe where the TV is standing at... “I feel like shit because of Kate, you know?” To be honest I already realized that, as she was looking for a DVD... “Here it is...” It was an DVD with something written on it. “For my... girl of lifetime?” Taylor sighed, but smiled at the same time, whereas she was inserting the DVD into the player.   
As the thing was starting I was looking at the TV... It showed a picture show of a red-haired girl which looked like some sort of model. “Lynn...” She nodded, but looked away from them... “Yes, she was once a very important part of me...” Seeing her reading something I felt again too noisy... but before I've seen... wow... “Taylor... is that...” In the TV there were some nude paintings of her? “Yes... it's me...” She always had hidden her most private parts like her chest with her arms, but looked like she was dancing alone, as I've seen the pictures as they turned around... Wow, she looked totally sexy on these... No wonder with that eyes.   
“Lynn was the only girl I was really trusting, even since I was befriended with you. She knew, how I feel... She knew, what I wanted...” I was totally baffled by these pictures on the TV, whereas she was looking at me... and then I've really seen it with my eyes... Taylor kissing Lynn while they both appeared like dancing. 

“Taylor... I was never trusting myself to be like this. But seeing you dancing, seeing you moving around and smiling...” I looked at Taylor... she was shy but still so cute. “Stop this, Lynn... I know, you are just teasing me...” She was looking away from me, pulling her arm away. “No.” Just this only word, this should be the right thing to say... seeing the rainbow in her eyes like it was the first date together... dancing on the pier to gravity... I knew, she was just too perfect to be true. I was laying my hands around her waist, looked deeply into her eyes. “But... we will never...” She was always scared of it... seeing her lips dancing to the words.   
“It will be our secret up to the point where we both are finished with school... We will leave Blackwell, like we have always dreamed of... Just you and me.” “No... I...” Slowly my hand moved up to her cheek, whereas I was looking into her eyes. “This is our dream, we can do whatever we want... I want to see you in every facet, every sort of light, sketching you from every side... seeing your beauty and remember that you will be even more beautiful when we both are old and gray... I want to fall in love with you over and over and over again.” She was shutting her eyes, I smiled to her... slowly our lips have moved together to the most amazing kiss I've ever had... feeling her warm lips onto mine while I was holding her back and pressing her onto my bed... She was an angel in all forms... and as I was separating from the kiss I was looking in her eyes... 

“Let me be your gravity... You are already mine... But nobody will ever see the beauty within us...” “Because this is our little secret, Lynn...” whereas she was looking at me, thinking that I would make fun out of her, she was in the end totally... confused. “You...where do you know that?” I was looking at her... “I-I don't know. It felt totally weird...” “You looked like sleeping with the eyes open... like I've seen it yesterday.” Eventually she was just baffled, but I was confused too... That was... gigantic... and Taylor, she... she just wept out a tear... “Oh, I'm so sorry, Taylor...” She smiled sadly...  
“I miss her so much, Victoria...” I've heard of that incident. Lynn died because of a drug overdose just a year ago... but she didn't tell me at all that she had these feelings. Maybe she hid it too good for my eyes, but... Just... I was sitting next to her holding her in my arms. She never told anybody about the story with Lynn.   
“Victoria... I'm gay...”   
To be honest, I knew that there was the one or another time I made fun out of these awkward people loving the same gender... If I would have known that my best friend actually likes girls, I would have never said that... She was still crying on my shoulder... Fuck this cashmere, she is way more important for the moment. Slowly I've put my arm off her body, whereas I was looking at her... “I am so sorry for you... especially at this time... at first Lynn, then your mother...” I was sighing, looking down on the floor again...   
“Damn... I am such a crybaby...” I was just smiling, as she said that. “You definitely are... but that's what I like about you. And to be honest, the pictures of you were kinda hot.” She was giggling a little. Damn, I was flirting with Taylor... and it felt really funny, it made the situation so much lighter... “Thanks Victoria...” I was nodding, smiling and still... “So... you are in love with Kate?” And that was the problem I was talking about...   
“Kate...” She looked out of the window, as she was thinking about her. “Kate... I... I don't know what to say about her. On the one hand she is a hidden diamond in a coal mine, just the ultimately perfect girl... seeing her makes me happy, I enjoy being with her...” Hm... I guess I see the problem. “But you are scared because of her religion, don't you?” She nodded... “I... I was holding her the whole time, thinking that I should have kissed her in the end, but I was scared. She is so dogmatic... and I am just the slut who wants to be with her...” She really got hit by Kate... and she doesn't even realize it.   
“Uh... yes... apparently she likes Coldplay, and you both have quite much together...” “What do you mean?” “Well, you both got mobbed by me, you both have quite conservative parents and especially problems with your mothers and you have the same hobbies.” She was just turning her eyes. “You really don't know Kate, don't you?” “Well... she likes photography, just like you... and she is an amazing dancer, she likes the newest trends, has an wardr-” “Wait, say that again...” “She likes the newest trends, yes. Sure she hasn't enough money to afford it, but...” “No, that before.” “Photography or dancing?” “Dancing... Kate can't dance.”   
I was shaking my head. “She can actually. She was in ballet school for 6 years. She even tried Slowfox, and Waltz... but her parents didn't allow the last one since she got the feeling that the guys were touching her not very slightly...” “Oh... so... thank you, Victoria!” She was jumping up and ran out... I followed and went out there, whereas she was knocking at Kate's door... “Uh... I guess I'll let you alone... good luck...” “Kate, are you in?!” Clicking with my tongue I went back to my room... it was already 10 pm...


	14. Harmony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you just need this one moment of insecurity to find out that there is more in the things than you would expect. Kate finds even more out that she is feeling better when she is next to her new best friend, but she doesn't know what big secret Taylor has within her head. Neither she knows about the longing in her colleague, as they are increasing in their trust. By far, she even gets safer next to her, much safer than she would have expected it, but what will happen, if Kate finds out the truth? Something we know about later, but for the moment: How will Kate and Taylor dane with each other? Does this harmony still exist after their dance?

Wow... for one moment I thought she would kiss me... Jesus Christ, I was freaking scared. But she was totally warm... Luckily she isn't so sinful as she would kiss me... no, such a girl is too good to be homosexual. I mean, she doesn't look lesbian... uh... how does a lesbian look like anyways? Like Taylor...? No... uh... how did Max's girlfriend look like? And... well... she was once a bad girl... hm, maybe she is trying to seduce me so I will follow the path of darkness.   
I need a computer. I have to inform myself about this... Okay, I was starting the computer, already quite nervous about this. Damn, this is so weird... Looking at the PC, starting the browser... Okay... search engine... what should I write into it? Hm... I... Maybe...? Uh... Okay... “I nearly kissed a girl.” No, that's awkward... and it leads to Katy Perry... hm... That link looks like a helpline, I was clicking it, as someone was knocking at the door... “Oh, sure, come on in...” I was standing up, still looked a little bit sorrowful and sighed... Sure, it was Taylor, but... well, it was Taylor... “Hey Kate...” “Hey...” Laying my hand behind my neck, looking down I breathed out. “I am so sorry... I didn't want to slap you.”   
She shook the head and smiled, as she was looking at me... “I know, I am...” “Shhh... it's okay. It was totally my fault, Kate.” The bigger girl... even if it is just for a few centimeters. I felt awful because of this... but it still can be worse, as some noise arrived... A Moaning... What the... I was turning around, seeing at my laptop... “Oh no!” The link was at a porn site for... do it away! Uh... goddamn... “NO! I DON'T WANT TO STAY HERE!” Taylor just chuckled, as I was totally embarrassed by this. “Oh my god no...” “I never realized, that you like lesbians so much.” “Stop it!” I knew it, she was just playing around with my pain... At least I got rid with these windows.   
And only a few moments later... well, she was hugging me from behind... but I didn't want this, since the thing that nearly happened. On the other hand... “You aren't mad at me?” Taylor looked me into the eyes... smiling with that warming shine in her face... “No, Kate... definitely not. It was my fault that this happened...” I sighed. “Please... just don't talk about it... or what you've seen on the computer. Both is just...” “I will never say any word of it. This will stay just between you and me.” I was sure that I can trust her in this subject...   
But still, she was looking like something else is bothering her... Hm... “Are you alright, Taylor?” Again she just... nodded... “You know... I wanted to ask you something, actually...” She was sitting at the bed, as she was thinking about it... I guess she was thinking how she should formulate it. But my belly said I don't want to know what she wanted to ask, since... well...   
“Kate... I have heard you were... well... in ballet.” Uh... where did she know that? I never said something like that, but still... Well, I just nodded, as I was looking down. “Where...” “Victoria told me. Was she lying?” “It is nothing at all... I...” She looked into my eyes, stood up and grabbed my shoulders. “You like dancing, don't you?” I shook the head... To be honest I did like dancing, but not now. The dancers were all too much of perverts as I felt good. Huh... “Yes... I... did like it, but then there always came these men when I tried to dance with someone... .and in ballet I was plain untalented.” She stayed silent.   
Instead she took her arms and looked down again. “Oh...” Wow, she really appeared quite angry for this moment... or maybe more dissatisfied. “So... you don't want to dance with me.” As she was asking this, I felt like... I was... I... Damn, I was totally sure I should say no since I have absolutely no talent to dance at all, but... and upon looking at her... I didn't know why, but I just laid my hand around her belly, my head onto her shoulder... “I would love to... but...” “But...?” She was happy for the first moment, until she realized that there is one condition. “If you say, you have no talent, I would show you the opposite. I have the feeling we both are harmonizing great together at the stage...” “Okay...” I shouldn't say, that I doubt her sexuality... to be fair, I guess my lack of talent should make it anyways. Okay...   
“Thank you, Kate...” I was just smiling, as she was laying her head onto mine. “Thank you... Taylor...” 

Psalms 30:11: You have turned for me my mourning into dancing: you have put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness; 

Just like an earlier night, she was sleeping next to me, as we were talking about everything. I really understood her in so many facets... we were talking again about her dancing career, that she actually was some sort of champion, before her partner was just... bitching around. Wow, I really hate these words... and after that, well... we both fell asleep... I guess she is always more becoming my best friend, as I was thinking about the day tomorrow...  
And as I woke up... well, we both didn't lose any time. It was 9 am, the sports hall was opened and she was bringing an CD player with some different discs so we can get started... I was wearing some leggings, my ballet shoes which aren't too big for me now and a tank-top which in all had the most resemblance to my ballet outfit...   
“You look gorgeous, Kate...” I guess she was kidding me, but to be honest, she was a little bit right... Even if it got a little bit tight over time, it is quite alright. “How should we start? Slowfox or Waltz?” “Hm... maybe a Waltz at first. I haven't danced for a while.” She was nodding and smiled a little bit, as she was starting the CD player... a slow waltz was playing, she was offering me her hand... I took it and we both started moving slowly... as she was counting: “One Two Three One Two Three...” I was moving with her... side... front... side... back.   
“That's great... I knew you can do it.” I just sighed. “You are the first one who doesn't want to hold my cinnamon buns.” “Your... cinnamon buns?” “Yes, my cinnamon buns. They all tried to touch them both as they were dancing with me. I always felt like... well... uh... what's so funny?” She giggles again, as she was looking at my hair. “Well... you technically look like a cinnamon roll with your hair.” “You are rude...” “I actually meant that as a compliment...” She still chuckled, as we were dancing to the rhythm. For this moment, at least life felt a little bit lighter now... and as we were closing the dance, we sat down next to the CD player...   
She looked totally normal: Jeans and a sexy tank top... She always looked so much better than me... just like the girl next door, but way better... just like a mix out of a model and an angel... Sigh, why can't I look so good... Jesus Christ, I am envious onto an totally blonde cheerleader-like girl... Seriously?   
“Well... you dance great, Katie...” Katie... she calls me Katie? “Uh... Katie?” She smiles again... “I could call you cinnamon bun too.” “No... there I prefer Katie... It gives you something charming and cute...” I didn't know, she was so weird in this moment, maybe... I can't find any explanation, and I guess she is just plain weird... “Hm, should I call you T-T?” She looks up at the ceiling, as she was wondering... “Sounds like titty, doesn't it? I guess you wouldn't like to call me like this.” Seriously... she made me blush... my face grew totally red, as she was asking me. Absolutely embarrassing... I was breathing out, and she was still looking at the ceiling... She looked like something is baffling her... I stood up, sat exactly behind her and laid my arms around her torso...   
“Huh? Katie?” “You looked like you needed a hug...” She leaned a little bit forward, laid her hands onto mine... Slowly she was looking at me... without saying any words I knew that she wanted to thank me for the moment, but we both remained silent... even as she was slowly moaning we both stayed quiet...   
“Katie...? May I ask you something?” I nodded, as she was breathing out again. “It is a little bit hard for me to say it, but...” she shrugged her shoulders, as she wanted to get away from me... She stood up, turned around and looked into my eyes as she was looking into my eyes... “I am totally sure you can dance beautifully... that's why I am totally sure I want to do this with you...”   
What was she talking about? She appeared... nervous... crazy... what was wrong? Please don't tell me she actually is... No, relax Kate, she definitely isn't into girls... “May I ask you to go on a talent show with me?” “What?” “I totally have the feeling that we both can dance together... You really feel harmonic and slight in my hands as we both were dancing...” “Uh...” to be honest, she was right. Her movements were smooth... they were tender. And her hands weren't on my...   
“You know, I felt quite comfortable, dancing with you. Your hands were very soft, you didn't try to choke me with your grip and the dance was just... well, perfect. I felt like, I was taken to the clouds, it felt so easy... so caring, so...” “Lovely?” I felt her warm smile, as she was looking down to me... You know, It felt like we could even find our own rhythm without music... And only a few moments later she apparently had the same thought as she was offering me her hand for another dance...   
You know... with every dance we both had, Taylor raised my self-esteem, even despite her nickname for me. I was smiling the whole time, as we were dancing... and she answered it with an even warmer smirk... After a few dances, we were trying it in another rhythm, by using some slow music, containing newer and older songs... Celine Dion... Lana del Rey... Adele... even Katie Melua with nine million bicycles in the end... everything which was tender dance music... But there was one song missing... or better said, one band...   
“Katie, do you think, what I think?” The music has ended, as she was laying her hand onto my cheek. I was looking up into her eyes... “Maybe... the first thing is you wanted to name me Katie because of the song...” She just giggled, as she was putting her hand onto my back and we both just danced by moving our hips together. Yes, we both got lazy...   
“Katie Melua... well, maybe... what was the other thing?” “I guess you know it, don't you, Taylor?” She nodded, as she was looking into my eyes... This tender eyes, as they were fixed onto mine... aware, that this moment just needs to be... perfect...   
“Gravity...”


	15. Hatred

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you just don't know what to do, just going your ways without even realizing that something had happened. And for this moment she is lamenting about everything that happened. Sure, it isn't easy for Victoria to go her ways, but for the moment she just don't know what to do for now. At first she is meeting someone from the past, but later with someone who is possible in the future... But what will happen? Is everything going to be alright? And what happened with Kate later on?

So... this is getting really crazy for now. Sigh, what I am doing... I cited actually the girlfriend of... Taylor? Who else thinks that this is absolutely crazy? Fuck... I feel like my brain explodes. This is the worst thing I was thinking about... despite the fact I was dreaming about the drugged Max... and even thinking about it... Shit, it makes me feel crazy.   
I was wandering around in town, seeing, that it is still in rebuild, but... I guess Arcadia Bay will never be the same again before the storm. I was still thinking that it had something to do with these dreams I had. Huh... “Good afternoon, Victoria...” “Oh, hello...? Ah, Miss Wagner... Long time no see.” She just smiled... an a little bit older-looking woman wearing a suit. As far as I remember is she some sort of lawyer. “It is good to see you so healthy...” I laid my hand at my neck and nodded a little bit. “Yes... how about...” I see, when someone just fake-smiled and she definitely did. Sure...   
“Courtney...? She... well... she woke up from the coma, but...” She seemed that something would baffle her. I know that feeling. I miss Courtney too. “Do you know what amnesia is?” I nodded again. “It's like... forgetting everything what happened the last times.” “Yes... she can't remember what happened before the coma... She is still thinking about this party where you all have been...” “The End of the World...?” She grinned... it was surely ironic that one day before the storm the party was running.   
Sigh... so many crazy things were happening. Still I was just on the surface since these dreams were starting in my head. She still appeared sorrowful. It is quite saddening, seeing her like this. “As we had our party we had another motto... Forever Night... well, there we had an electricity cut whilst the party for a few minutes, so, it was quite nice... especially because I learned to know my boyfriend in there.” Well, ,this was some information which wasn't that important to me to be honest. In fact... I felt weird. And the last thing I would want in this time is a boyfriend...   
Sure, having someone who would listen to you after this gigantic horror is something great, but for the moment I just need some time for myself. And well, I have Kate and Taylor, which I can tell something, and especially Donovan... who is a little bit weird... And I have totally that deja-vu feeling upon seeing him, since he is some sort of less elegant Mark...   
“Huh?” “Don't you think, Victoria?” I just nodded... “Oh, yes, sure...” She laid her fingers under her chin, looking like she was thinking about something. I guess she had seen that I had been a little bit distracted. Phew... “Maybe you should go home, you look a little bit confused today.” “Uh... maybe...” I was touching my head, nodded a little bit and waved at her. “Good luck to Courtney...” “Thanks...” She was going the other way as I wandered my route.   
My route... Fuck... I didn't know what I wanted to do...   
Always wandering through town without any station? This isn't life. This is something desperate people do if they don't have an answer. Damn it, what should I do now? Maybe I need something better to do, or at least something else. Or maybe I should really believe her advice and make my way home... It wasn't such a long path to the dorm, so... wow, don't let your arms hang like this, Victoria. Slowly I was thinking that this can't be everything...   
At the garden to the dorm, I was seeing Logan again playing with Zachary. Jesus Christ, they both never learn, don't they? The ball is flying into my direction... landing in front of my feet and Zachary was getting it. He wasn't even greeting or saying something. Sure it was because of this sexting shit, well, if he isn't true he is nothing for you Victoria. Huh... well, these guys will never learn, and now I should enter the dorms to get to my room...   
“Bitch!”   
I didn't know who was shouting that, to be fair, I wasn't even interested into hearing it. Maybe I am some sort of sick, but forget it... At least I want to go home now... 

Up to next morning I was doing nothing... Nothing at all, just thinking about the things happened before. I was just lying in bed, thinking about all things I would tell Donovan after school... Upon seeing at the alarm clock I was realizing that I nearly went late... Okay, preparing for shower... I went the way to the shower rooms and... huh? I was looking around... only one curtain was closed, but the showers are dry I guess... But I hear someone...   
Hm... someone is moaning?   
I was opening the shower... And I've seen her... “Kate...? Are you... what are you doing?” She just had her face hidden in her arms, while she was sitting at the ground, her arms onto her knees, she looked like a ball of sadness with her angled knees... “Kate... is something wrong?” She remained silent, just looking away from me...   
“No... it's... it's nothing...” Sure it is, and I am a five meter big ogre with a butt as a face... But sure, if she doesn't want to tell me, maybe it is better like this. But still... “Come on, Kate... let's get out of here, okay?”   
But as I held her hand... 

Taylor and I went to the shower after the dance, I was still thinking about the dances we had... and how great it would have been if we really could have danced together at the talent show... “You know... I totally hated it when someone called me Katie... My aunt always wanted to call me like this, and...” “You hate her, don't you?” She read in my mind like no one else... this is so crazy and weird. I mean... I couldn't even say that I hate her, because she is my auntie. She is my family... 

Colossians 3:20: Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

“No... she just...” “I see...” Taylor just nodded to me, as she went to the shower, putting her clean clothes outside of the shower. I wanted to do the same with the shower next to her... but then I heard my phone... A message from my aunt? She didn't write me, even despite the storm, as from my father and... from Lynn? Hm, everyone of my family wrote me a message... and upon seeing them I was... I didn't know how to react to it. Dad sent me the video of me and Taylor dancing with each other and told me, that I danced great, just like Lynn...   
But Mum and Auntie nearly sent me the same message altogether... They said that women shouldn't dance with women and tried to convince me with the hellfire... And it's true, definitely it's true. You shouldn't do the same things with a man like you do with a woman, that says the bible. And now... what if Taylor tries to convince me to do even more things? No... I... I have to go... “Sorry, Taylor, I got to go now...” “Okay, see you la-...” I didn't even hear what she was saying as I've left the showers. No, I don't want to be seduced by her. This all was totally wrong... and as I've entered the room I was wondering where the video came from... and how we couldn't see it? 

“Leave me alone, Victoria!” I was shocked, as I've seen her fighting against my hand... I've let go of it. “What is wrong with you?!” “I... sorry, Kate. This was so weird again... I had something like that before. I told you...” “Please just go, Victoria!” I shook the head, breathed out and looked down. I knew, if I tell her this, she would think I am totally crazy, but... I had to.   
“Kate, listen... just one moment listen to me, I know, it sounds totally weird, but you once said that it could be that god speaks to me like this.” She looked up to me again. “I... I know that you were dancing with Taylor... after that you went to a shower... but received a message...”   
She was looking at me, opened her eyes and breathed out. She stood up... looking into my face and...   
SLAP...


	16. Codex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Many things happened after the shower, already many enough after this one moment where Kate got to the talk with the girl who has once punished the poor soul of Kate... Can she find forgiveness despite the things happened? How did react Kate to the words Victoria told her? What happened now and did that talk with Victoria affect the decisions of her? Kate's morality compass turned around again or did it not?

„I knew it! I knew you were just making an ass out of me!“ My hand did hurt after that slap I gave Victoria. She is such a whore! At first trying to befriend me and now she told me about that, like she wanted to tell me that it wasn't her. Who else, if she is the only one who tries to convince me? I know, it was her... She always acts like this, first friendly and then she stabs someone in the back.  
“You are a damn whore, Victoria! You'll burn in hell for this!”   
Without even seeing into her eyes, I was running away, enraged. She was just the monster which she has been before. And now, she even became worse like before. But not with me, she won't play with me like she did before anymore. I became stronger and more thoughtful... but still...   
Wandering into my room to prepare for school it just needed less time than I thought to be fair. Maybe because of my rage, but she made me thinking. Sure, she destroyed my chance to enter this contest where Taylor and I would have been dancing together, but...   
She saved me from the hellfire of doing something the bible forbids, so maybe it was altogether something good... Funny, the whole way from the dorm to school I was thinking about the fact that she maybe helped me to stay virtuous. 

1 Corinthians 7 2: But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.

A husband, not a wife for a wife... Everything else would be a sin. Upon entering class I was wondering where everyone has been, before I realized that I was way too soon. Not even Evan was here, who apparently has been the first every time. So... what should I do? I reminded myself of the messages in the mobile I got the day before... I had to write them back because in any other case all of them would be angry... So, well... I started writing. At first my dad, to whom I wrote that everything is alright. I even wrote him that this is just for a talent show, where I wanted to participate.   
And well, I know he would understand it, since there is nothing more between Taylor and I... 

hopefully... 

Thinking about it, I was opening the message about Lynn. She was so amazed about my dancing, that she wanted to watch the video all over again. It is charming but still a little bit creepy to be honest. Well, my own sister wouldn't creep me out, so I guess I should be thankful...   
Upon answering them both, I was looking at the messages of my Mum and her sister... What should I write back? That I stay true? That I always be a good girl?   
Oh man, that's quite hard to answer, whereas both were trying to convince me not to dance... only a few moments later, someone came nearer...   
“Hello Kate...” My eyes were bound to the message of my auntie, I raised my head like a minute later after hearing the voice of Taylor. “Hey... Taylor.” My voice sounded broken, like a scratched vinyl onto a damaged gramophone... but still, I tried to smile a little bit upon seeing her, sitting in front of me, her arms laying on the backrest, her fingers folded and her head onto it... And still this warm, inviting smile, as her long hair is... “Everything okay?” “Huh? Oh... uh... Yes, I am fine...” Teetering her head to the left she looked so... so innocent...   
I sound like a total idiot...   
“You more look like something is bothering you, Kate... Come on.” I sighed, tried to tell her that I am actually okay, but... well, she read me. I guess I couldn't hide it too much. “Well...” I was laying my hand into my neck, looking into her eyes... “It is... because of my family. Anyhow they found out that we both were dancing with each other. And now they...” “They tell you that dancing with a girl is wrong?” How... “Uh... yes. Even the bible states that there are things that only a man and a woman should do together.” That sounded so weird if I told her that.   
To be honest, I even thought that she never would have opened the bible in her life...   
“And you think dancing is one of these things? Seriously?” Her friendly look got replaced by a questioning, a confused smirk... after that the teacher already entered the room...   
Still, I couldn't even concentrate on the lessons because of the look she gave me. Despite of that the case with Victoria got even worse. What if Taylor just plays with me... I mean, it wasn't the first time and she nearly brought me to suicide once.   
Still...   
She just can't get out of my head. This makes me totally crazy, thinking about them both, to be honest. What if Victoria didn't lie? No, she always knew how to manipulate people, and she wants me to believe what she said. But I won't do that, I won't fall for her cheap tricks...   
The bell rang again... already? I was so in deep with my thoughts that I wasn't even realizing that the lesson was already over. I stood up, left the classroom without thinking about it and just looked at the floor. I really tried to avoid any sort of eye contact. At my locker I've opened it, looked into it... The books for Geography and English. Even now I don't have a moment of silence, because I can't stop thinking about... well... everything.   
“Kate...?” “Huh...? What is it, Taylor...” She leaned at the locker next to me, looking into my face. I tried myself to be turned away, but... “Wow... you really look baffled. Should I leave?” “Uh... no, it's okay.” I stayed silent while I had my hand in the locker, looking for the books. “You didn't answer my question, Kate...” “Which one?” “That dancing is something the bible forbids.” I sighed, breathed out and looked into her face. What should I say? 'Sure, the bible forbids every act of love like a dance...' but this isn't exactly true, since it was just a dance at all. And a dance actually is no sort of love, I guess.   
“No... Yes... Damn... I don't know, okay?” “Why?” 

Leviticus 18:22: ‘Do not have sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman; that is detestable.”

“Sexual...” Taylor looked at me, she just shook her head and appeared that she wanted to laugh... “Yes, and a dance is something sexual... something where two bodies touch each other and move into...” She raised her hand in front of my face... “Oh, Kate...” I looked again in the locker, I didn't want to see her face like this. It turned into a mixture of disbelief and amusement, like she wanted to put me into a therapy at the school's psychologist. Huh... “Kate, it is just a dance. Nothing sexual...” “It is pure... it is unique and beautiful, something, which just feels so...” “Perfect?” “No... Forbidden...” I didn't want to tell anybody what happened, this is too weird to be true... Too wrong.   
“Fuck...” she whispered it, but I still could hear her. I knew she tried to convince me to something stupid, but I didn't want her to know that I know that she did that for Victoria to bring me down. “So... you won't join the contest either?” The contest...   
Damn, I don't know... The talent show would have been a great opportunity, but still it is wrong to do this. I can't convince myself anymore... I can't do this anymore. “No... I need to go now.” She knew how to hurt me, this is just freaking saddening. Still, this is just a game for her, she tries to play with me like Victoria did.   
I won't be the plaything of anyone... Not anymore... Not anymore! I took the things out of the locker and went to geography class, leaving Taylor behind.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens if you realize, that there is more in your head than your thought powers? What if you have more power than you would have expected? That your powers actually can make your point of view new? In this moment, Victoria appears to get the sense and the power behind the things she was dreaming. Being bound at the powers, she finds out more about the history she didn't realize existed. What will she do after that? And what will happen after that in the case of Mark Jefferson?

I don't know what happened now... It was so... crazy at all. Sure, she had no reason to believe me, but this slap was way too much. I still can't believe what happened now... I even asked Donovan whether he has time for me a hour ago. Sure... I wasn't scared at all, but this was fucking bullshit... I shouldn't have told Kate a word about this.  
At least Donovan had time for me... He wanted to try out some sort of experiment on me today. He didn't tell me what exactly or the things I should do, so I took a seat at the waiting room out there until he called me in... Looking out of the window I was wondering about the things happened... The clouds were flying away, a small breeze was moving around and I... well... I was hoping for something that would happen...   
“Victoria?” Seeing the psychologist in front of me with his chaotic blonde hair and the glasses on his nose I knew, he had a weird plan in his head. “Hello Donovan...” “Let's go?” I nodded and followed Donovan into the door behind the treatment room... It looked dark with a strange blue light on the ceiling. The only things in the room are some sort of treatment bed, some boxes on the ceiling next to a surveillance camera and a small table, apparently for something to serve.   
“Have you ever heard of a sleep clinic, Victoria?” The only thing I was thinking about was the band Vancouver Sleep Clinic, but not really. “I guess it is a hospital where the healing concentrates on sleeping.” “Well, one half at least. The other half are researchers who try to find out what problem someone has by putting him to sleep. It is a sub-conscious trial of repairing someone's brain... I want to try this sort of experiment on you, Victoria.” “You want to manipulate my brain?”   
This sounded hellish creepy... Did he really mean this? This is...   
“Just for analyzation. Nothing would happen to you, except that you may have a dream of someone you probably know or not, at least if these stories of your visions are true.” Everything of this sounds totally weird, but I guess it is necessary... “At first I will put you to sleep... Therefore I need chloroform since it is a fast method to make you unconscious. Before that I want to ask you to think about someone very much. I guess, this should start the pictures in your head... Can you do that for me? I bring the MEP in the room while you are thinking about someone... The best one you could think is one of the people, where you already had a dream of. Someone, you have seen in there, and in the best case, talked.” I nodded, laid down on the treatment bed and tried to concentrate... It was silent... The only one I would have known to think about is Taylor...   
Shutting the eyes, I heard, that the door opened... Only a few moments later I heard some rattling of a machine... “Victoria, can you raise your head?” “Yes...” I did it and got some sort of helmet, whereas I was still thinking about it... Taylor... Taylor... Taylor... Come on...   
“Ready, Victoria?” “Yes... I am...”   
After that he put a tissue under my nose... I got sleepier and then... 

“...The Pioneers of Film photography... Hurter and Drittfeld I guess. They both worked in the sense of light sensitivity. George Eastman made the first roll called the film, which was just a coating...” “Very good, Lynn...” I sighed relieved, it was a wonder that I knew the answer of his question. Mr. Jefferson can be a tough teacher, but I really do respect him. He is so amazingly famous and so unbelievably clever in his metier.   
Still... I was totally distracted, he got me into a moment where I didn't want him to see me. The bell rang, as I wanted to leave class as fast as I can. There is someone who I wanted to visit since the beginning of the week, but they all went to vacancies in the beginning of the year, and the bus was standing already out there... I knew that she already left it... Huh... I hope she didn't went home already. If so... Slowly I came nearer to the bus... looking around. She wasn't there. “So... I was too late...” Huh... Sitting at the bench at the pavement I laid my hand onto my neck. I knew that I was too direct with that. Damn...   
“Can I take a seat, Miss?” I looked at the source of the voice... and started smiling... “Hey...” My voice was quiet, pleased. I felt really happy upon seeing her. “Hey, Lynn... I hope you didn't wait too long.” I shook the head, smiled and nodded a little. “I am just happy, that you already there, Taylor... You can't believe how much I've missed you.” Taylor smiled... her heartwarming smile. It always feels like I got born everyday again when I see this.   
She laid her head onto my thigh... I was stroking her head, as she was laying on it. “I love you, Lynn...” A little smile came onto my face, while I was looking down to her... So beautiful. I wish I could show her how beautiful she is, but the only thing she can see on me is... well, me... The world is really unfair, because I can't show her how beautiful the moments are when I can see into her amazing eyes, seeing her precious smile and listening to her angelic voice while she is talking to me...   
She is so fucking perfect to me...   
We stayed for a while there, as it started to rain. “I guess we should go to the car now...” I said, as we both were on the way to my car. It was nothing special, just a little Volkswagen, more than enough for me. I went on the driver's seat, as Taylor took her place next to me... We both got soaked wet because of the weather, as she was looking to me. She started giggling, as she was looking to me... “What is it?” She didn't stop laughing, as she was looking at me... “You really did miss me, huh?” I was wondering, why she would say that... “Sure... Even more now since I guess you are sort of mental now.” “You are rude...” “Hey, you were the one laughing...” She leaned over the gear knob to me, I was looking at her, as she gave me a tender kiss onto my lips, her warm lips were just so great, especially after that freezing rain, whereas her warmth just filled my whole body...  
As the kiss had ended, I was looking into her eyes for a long time... “I really missed you, Taylor...” I whispered, as she was smiling again... “I know... I missed you too, cutie...” She whispered, as she was moving her head for a quick moment to show me that she wants to the backseat.   
I was smiling again, opened the door of my car, just like the blonde and we both just moved into the backseat... As she shut the door, I pressed her body at it, started to kiss her again, with a wildness which represented all of my feelings for her... I felt, as she was putting her hands onto my back, slowly wandering under my top, as I was kissing her... I smiled, nodded and looked into her face, as she was smiling too... but then, she stopped putting of my shirt...   
“Hehe... I knew it...” She was grinning so strangely... “What is it?” “You don't wear it...” As I was looking in her eyes, I nodded... The last time I wore a bra, she couldn't open it. It was so cute, that she just wasn't able to do so, she tried it for five minutes... I just couldn't stop giggling, as her head just filled with blood out of total shame. I hoped that she would like that a little bit more because of this...   
I was whispering in her ear: “Surprise, Taylor...” as she was looking at me. She did put her hands onto my breasts, as she was hearing that... massaging them and teasing my nipples which stung out of my top like two needles... She didn't stop with it, until I breathed out heavily under her touch... Oh god I love this girl... 

Holy Shit... My head felt like it was burning like hell... Jesus... I was touching my head again, as I was wondering where I was... “Fuck... my head...” Seriously... what had happened... I was laying again at the bed Donovan prepared me... but still it feels like I nearly... Holy Shit... Taylor really is into girls... I don't know how often I said this... only five minutes later Donovan came in... “I guess, it worked... Can you tell me?” I nodded... “Yes... I had such an awkward dream...” I told him every detail of it, while I was still stunned. He again told me about Lynn's drug abuse and her death after that... but then...   
“Lynn Simmons once was in therapy at Dr. Chivanti because her parents couldn't accept her being gay... They both were fundamentalists, not tolerating homosexuality, but Lynn always has been a self-thinking girl, that's why the doctor has supported her. Just a wild guess, were you thinking about Taylor Christensen?” “Where do you...” “Apparently Lynn always talked about her in the sessions... We all got information of her after her death to find out, what happened to her. We thought she was just suicidal, that's why...” I shook the head. “She didn't act like she was like this in my dream... I mean, I was in her head as it had happened. She really loved Taylor more than anything else. “Do you think it could have been someone else?”   
I nodded... “There was the case with Mark Jefferson once... I had a dream before, where I got drugged too, and sat onto a couch... In front of me was Max Caulfield... another student of Blackwell, getting shot by him with a camera.”   
He breathed out and laid his hand onto his chin. “The Case with Jefferson... It is still unsure whether he had done it or not, since all of them, who should have made an testimony didn't arrive.” Thinking about the fact that I've once admired him... “What about the evidence?” I asked, but Donovan shrugged with the shoulders... “There is unfortunately no evidence of the culprit. The bunker where they should be, can't be opened at all, since the code is wrong.” “I guess, that the one, who did that... Mark Jefferson, was the one, who changed the code and he doesn't want to talk... but...” One thing is a little bit weird... “Where do you know so much about the case?” “The police has ordered some psychologists to find out what about these people is...”   
He told me, that he was working for the police in his beginning years of his psychology career. As an forensic psychiatrist, to be exact... The case of Lynn was extra significant for him that he wouldn't believe that so many similar things would happen in Arcadia Bay at all.   
I sighed... this sounded like way more than I would have expected...   
So they are more than a dream... Shit...


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally realizing that there is something more than just the feelings she already had, Kate wanted to try something new. She wanted to speak to her father, wanted to know, what happens if she really wanted to walk the line she desired, while the scepticism behind her whole family was at stake. What happened now? Who finally saved her from being so overwhelmed by her feelings that she finally did know what to do and how did the music influence her behaviour? Find it out here.

„Well you only need the light when its burning low. Only miss the sun when it starts to snow. Only know you love her when you let her go... Only know you've been high when you're feeling low. Only hate the road when you're missing home. Only know you love her when you let her go “ 

„And I let her go...“ Again I was alone, sitting at the bench in the gym hall, next to the music player which just played Passenger. It was already evening, as there was no sunlight shining through the windows. . I just didn't know what's wrong with me. Sure, I had a great time with her, but... Shit, I miss dancing with her... Crazy, isn't it? The last time I've seen her I just couldn't believe that she had nothing to do with Victoria and her... tricks, and now.   
Jesus, this feels so unbelievably hard... so impossible. Ironic that Passenger sung actually of the ceiling in the dark and this empty feeling in my heart. It made me smile a little bit... but it felt miserable.   
My elbows put onto my knees, my head into my hands, my eyes were fixed onto the ceiling. Oh I hate this song so much at the moment. Usually it is one of my favorite songs, but now it is just one of the worst songs... Still it is the one song which I've put on repeat all the time, and with every rerun it makes me clearer how bad the song is...   
No... not the song... It's beautiful...   
I was leaning back on the wall, have shut my eyes and... I was thinking about Gravity... the song we both wanted to dance to. She is such an incredible dancer, way better than I am. And she always said how talented I was... I knew it was a lie, she just didn't want to hurt me. That's the reason why she wanted to dance with me the most amazing song I know. Sure, it is the greatest thing in the world, if I could do that, despite... or because her? I even don't know...   
“Oh, it's you, Kate.” I was opening the eyes again, looking at the door next to the music player. Damn, I didn't even realize that Evan came in. “Why sitting in the dark, listening to... music? Everything alright?” He just sat next to me, as I was looking into his eyes. “It's nothing, I guess...” “Nothing looks different, you know? But I guess you don't want to tell me... It's okay.” I nodded. I don't know why, but he was a little bit distracting because of the day I had... “Have you been at the building site today?” Oh, yes, I remember. I totally forgot to go there... I shook the head. “It's okay. We hadn't too much to do today...”  
He gave me a little overview of the progress the people on the building site had. Apparently they already had a problem because of the rain the last days. So they couldn't build any further. At least one house has been finished today. “Huh... you really look distracted, you know?” “Well... My head just doesn't work today... Thinking too much.” I really have been distracted... But I wouldn't tell him that I have these feelings about a... girl...   
“Hm... I guess I'll let you alone for now, but... one last thing... I guess I know at least sort of that feeling you have, and well... since you are so bible-sure, maybe you should ask her for advice.” “You know about the bible?” “Well, a little... I have been reading the first book of Peter when I was young... ” He just smiled and waved back to me... Peter, huh? Faith... Belief... It is about suffering to do something good. Maybe... 

Peter 1:4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. 

And this sin... this sin I was thinking about... It was the fact that I may have fallen for her. I should accept these feelings and tell them to her, else I just would despise every moment with her. I want to be harmonic with her... so it should be better to be honest to her. I turned off the music player, took my CD and wandered out of the gym hall...  
Time has passed... I was lying in my bed... near the wall, as she would still lie in bed... my eyes were set on the ceiling. Only a few moments later, I heard my mobile phone. Dad's calling me?   
“Hello Dad...” “Hey Kate, are you okay?” To be fair, I was absolutely not... But I didn't want him to be sorrowed because of this. “It's okay... How's mum?” “Hm...” I knew, that he realized, that I am absolutely not okay, but still he didn't want to ask me... We telephoned for ten minutes... but then he confronted me... starting with an baffling silence...   
“Kate... one last thing I want to ask you...” “What is it?” “It is about this dance...” I kept silent, as he told me about the things he heard of mum and auntie. I was sitting up... “It wasn't like this... We just...” “Kate, please, let me speak out...” It filled my heart with an enormous pressure. I felt like I've been guilty of everything the bible says that it is wrong. But my father said something heartbreaking... Something I would never have expected... 

“I will always love you, Kate... no matter what happens.” 

My heart actually broke into pieces upon hearing these words... I knew seriously, that dad loves me even up to this day, but I still can't believe it. The silence just filled my whole body with hope, sucking every sort of desperation out of my body. And now... Now I kinda feel like I've been reborn. This was the best thing I could have thought of.   
“Do you... let me?” “Sure. I can't be happier if I can see you or Lynn smile. You are my beautiful diamonds in my life. Please, do us all a favor and show the world that you are the most beautiful dancer in the world.”   
These little words, they were more than enough to make me happy. Like, seriously, it felt like a gigantic stone broke from my heart. I never thought that my father could be so amazing...   
Still, there was one thing I wanted to ask him... “So... do you come to my performance?” He just kept silent for a while, until he came back to the telephone. “I hope so... You know, that it is a car drive of around an hour... and I am not sure whether your mum or Lynn are coming too. But still I want to see my little angel fly to greatness.” Dad made me blush... He seriously made me blush. “I love you, dad...” “I love you too... Kate... Sorry, I get another call... Do you still need something...” “No, it's okay... thanks.” “Okay, then... see you at sunday.”   
He hung up, I leaned back to the bed and was thinking about all of the things...   
And one thing especially: Taylor... Should I call her? Maybe...   
Maybe not...   
Maybe I should let it be... but...   
“Hello? Kate?” “Huh?” “Kate? What are...” “Oh, sorry... I... I...” I stuttered, not knowing what I should have said. “Relax, Kate. Everything's okay.” I breathed out... “It was... well. I wanted to ask you... can we meet tomorrow at the training hall?” “Uh... sure...” I guess I've surprised her... “See you tomorrow? After school?” “Okay... good night, Kate...”   
I finished the day... shutting my eyes and getting some rest for thursday...


End file.
